IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

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In the contemporary era,
advertisement
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 is an inevitable thing in many businesses and there are a large number of
companies
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 that invest a great deal of money on
advertisement
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.
While
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 some groups are of the opinion that
this
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 is not a positive situation, others opine it offers a great number of advantages. In my opinion, ads play a crucial role in every economy. On the one hand, some individuals believe nowadays we can see lots of wrong advertisements that show a thing really flashy but in reality the product is poor in
quality
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.
In other words
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, there are a lot of corporations that use tricky slogans in their advertisements, which is not based on morality.
For instance
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, I purchased a pair of shoes online, and
while
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 the website claimed it was all made of leather, after receiving I found it was made of really cheap plastic.
Moreover
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, nowadays there are some businesses that abuse women in their ads and they show a really super-hot girl in order to tempt customers, particularly juveniles, to buy their
products
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, which not only causes a lot of mental disorders for teenagers but
also
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 decreases the rate of morality in society.
On the other hand
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,
advertisement
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 is thought
by
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of by
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 lots of people as a useful topic and they believe, it has an amazing effect on heightening the
quality
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 and lessening the prices.
Because in
Correct word choice
In
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this
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 competitive economy,
companies
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 and corporations strive to increase the
quality
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 of their
products
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 and decrease
the
Change the word
their
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 prices
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in order to observe lots of clients.
For example
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, it has been a long time
that
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since
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 two famous
companies
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 in Germany, Benz and BMW,
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 in competition with each other, and
as a result
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of
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apply
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that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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customers
take
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
an
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advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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. Because these
companies
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 aimed to boost the
quality
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 and decrease the price of
products
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.
Moreover
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, advertisements increase the awareness of people about new
products
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 of
companies
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 and they can make intelligent choices by comparing the features of the product, which has a double positive effect for customers. In conclusion,
although
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 nowadays we can see some unethical activities by some
companies
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, underestimating the importance of
advertisement
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 in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 is not logical. Aside from playing a significant role in society,
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advertisement
Add an article
the advertisement
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 comes with a multitude number of benefits, like the aforementioned issues.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay, your introduction presents a thesis statement, but your subsequent paragraphs seem slightly contradictory. Maintain a consistent stance for a higher score.
task achievement
Work on developing clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the question, and ensure all paragraphs consistently support the central idea of the essay. Avoid introducing ideas without fully developing them.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Relevant examples are crucial to a high score as they demonstrate the practical application of your arguments and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Structure your essay logically with clear transitions between paragraphs. This enhances the readability and flow of the essay, which is essential for a higher score in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen paragraph unity by focusing each paragraph on a single idea that ties back to the main argument. This will improve the cohesiveness of your essay.
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