Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum? To what extent do you agree?

#children #exercise #responsibility #parents #schools #waste #school #time #sports #lessons #part #curriculum

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It is argued that

sports

lessons

should not take away precious time from the

school

for physical exercises, it should be the responsibility of parents to exercise regularly.

This

essay disagrees with the statement completely

due to

children

's physical and psychological

health

is related to their studies.

This

essay will first look at how it will open up interest for

sports

and

important

Rephrase

how important

show examples

sport is for

children

health

. In my opinion, those who believe that parents should ensure that their

children

regularly exercise, argue that they are responsible for upbringing and their holistic development.

Thus

, parents can

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

their

children

fully responsible, but

school

is a public place for schoolchildren, and if there are

sports

lessons

school

then

they will have an interest in various

sports

, watching other students to keep fit.

For example

, if a child is interested in any kind of sport, he can participate in various activities,

therefore

, thanks to

school

subjects, especially

sports

lessons

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

children

will have an interest in

sports

and strengthen their physical and psychological

health

On the other hand

, schools should include

sports

lessons

in the curriculum, because it brings many benefits to

children

such

as less of diseases, good physical body and

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

brain-functioning.

For example

, if students sit at their desks in class all day, their

shoulder

Fix the agreement mistake

shoulders

show examples

may hurt, and

this

can lead to a serious illness that will not be of any benefit in the future. In conclusion,

sports

lessons

should be made part of the curriculum, because it will help

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

health

also

it will discover the love of

sports

and will help in the future to discover various interesting types

activities

Change preposition

of activities

show examples

Submitted by turekeldiyevaj on Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the logical progression could be improved with clearer transitions and a more cohesive argument throughout.

task achievement

While the essay addresses the task, the response could be more thoroughly developed with additional examples and further explanation. Make sure that the examples provided are specific, directly relevant, and help to fully illustrate the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

structured environment
inclination
teamwork
sportsmanship
cooperation
academic time
intellectual development
after-school activities
relegated
family bond
supervised
well-being
equipment
expertise
professional physical education teachers
safe and beneficial

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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum? To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. Why are groups or organizations important to people? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer

One group of people prefer to live in houses that have fewer tall buildings, while others prefer the opposite. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?