Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum? To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that
sports
lessons
should not take away precious time from the
school
for physical exercises, it should be the responsibility of parents to exercise regularly.
This
essay disagrees with the statement completely
due to
children
's physical and psychological
health
is related to their studies.
This
essay will first look at how it will open up interest for
sports
and
important
Rephrase
how important
show examples
sport is for
children
's
health
. In my opinion, those who believe that parents should ensure that their
children
regularly exercise, argue that they are responsible for upbringing and their holistic development.
Thus
, parents can
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
their
children
fully responsible, but
school
is a public place for schoolchildren, and if there are
sports
lessons
at
school
,
then
they will have an interest in various
sports
, watching other students to keep fit.
For example
, if a child is interested in any kind of sport, he can participate in various activities,
therefore
, thanks to
school
subjects, especially
sports
lessons
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
will have an interest in
sports
and strengthen their physical and psychological
health
.
On the other hand
, schools should include
sports
lessons
in the curriculum, because it brings many benefits to
children
,
such
as less of diseases, good physical body and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
brain-functioning.
For example
, if students sit at their desks in class all day, their
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
show examples
may hurt, and
this
can lead to a serious illness that will not be of any benefit in the future. In conclusion,
sports
lessons
should be made part of the curriculum, because it will help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
health
,
also
it will discover the love of
sports
and will help in the future to discover various interesting types
activities
Change preposition
of activities
show examples
.
Submitted by turekeldiyevaj on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • inclination
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • cooperation
  • academic time
  • intellectual development
  • after-school activities
  • relegated
  • family bond
  • supervised
  • well-being
  • equipment
  • expertise
  • professional physical education teachers
  • safe and beneficial
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