In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Despite the popularity of prison sentences as
the
way to control illegalities, improvements Correct article usage
a
on
Change preposition
in
education
have gained social endorsement as a means to eliminate the problem from its root. In my opinion, I disagree that education
is the better one as it is rather impossible to compare these two methods’ effectiveness owing to their distinct impacts.
On the one hand, the reasons why prisons are of indispensable necessity for social securityare
varied. They are the place to keep people who have broken the law contained, ensuring the safety of other citizens. Especially, dangerous criminals Correct your spelling
security are
such
as murderers or rapists have to be imprisoned for their heinous actions. Furthermore
, severe prison sentences act as a deterrent against crimes
. Knowing there might be a chance of getting caught and condemned to jail, which also
means losing freedom and living a miserable life in a cell, ones who are having
the intention of committing illegalities would reconsider going down the path.
Wrong verb form
have
On the other hand
, education
serves as a remedy for the origin of crimes
. Education
contributes greatly to heighten
people’s intellect and Wrong verb form
heightening
to form
a civilized society. With access to better educational services, citizens would be well-informed about the damage that committing Change the verb form
forming
crimes
would cause to their community and themselves, which eventually leads to the
decline in crime rates. Correct article usage
a
Additionally
, the possession of certain qualifications through fundamental education
like vocational training could secure a person’s stable life, which would dispel any ideas of committing crimes
.
In conclusion, I believe there is no absolute way to deduce whether imprisonment policies or better education
would take the dominant role in dealing with crimes
as they both tackle the problem just
in different ways.Rephrase
apply
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion, showing both sides of the argument, which is good. However, the balance between supporting and opposing arguments can be improved to demonstrate a more nuanced understanding. Make sure that your point of view is consistently clear throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has an overall logical structure, there could be better linkages between ideas within paragraphs. Focus on enhancing the transitions and relationships between sentences to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite