Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career , while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school . Dicuss both views and give your opinion .

some
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individuals
indviduals
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individuals
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that
optaning
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obtaining
opening
a college
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degree
dgree
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degree
would improve your chances for better employee states , which
i
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I
show examples
do believe as well because
its
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it
show examples
rais your
oppertionties
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opportunities
to get a
desant
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decent
descent
income in
future
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the future
show examples
mean
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apply
show examples
while
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other
others
othere
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others
group thinks starting a job after finishing secondary school is more
benifishal
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beneficial
this
essay will
explor
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explore
both
prespective
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perspective
Firstly
i
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I
show examples
strongly agree with is
notion
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the notion
a notion
show examples
, as been graduated
form
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from
show examples
a good
coollege
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college
is
essnisal
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essential
to
compate
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compete
compare
complete
with
othere
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other
candidates when applying to a high
qulification
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qualification
types of jobs that mean more chances to progress in
life
ones
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once
show examples
you got them they
helps
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help
show examples
you
achive
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achieve
a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
good
qulity
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quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
style standers like
geeting
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getting
married or been able to rent a house or flat , paying
you`r
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your
bills , have a saving account to use for holidays or
miltiple
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multiple
ocations
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locations
, and that won`t come unless the person is highly
qulified
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qualified
, with a high income,
for example
, doctors and bussenissemens who have
finish
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finished
show examples
there higher education had
a high wages
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high wages
a high wage
show examples
than low skills workers . On the
othere
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other
hand, people who
is
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are
show examples
aganist
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against
this
thinks
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think
show examples
that working from a young age like 16 -18 would teach
the
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apply
show examples
young people
responsplity
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responsibility
and independancy
form
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from
show examples
such
a
yong
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young
agee
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age
show examples
by
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
cantrol
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control
of
there
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their
show examples
own
life
that helps
there
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their
show examples
personality to
gow
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grow
and become more aware with the desigions they make , in instance in german teens there was studes show that teens who have start there solo online bussenise since secondary school years where more seccseccfull later in
life
. in
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conclusion
cancluion
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conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
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although
althogh
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although
some
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girls
gueas
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guests
may
brefire
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before
satrting
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starting
work after high school ,
this
essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
that having an
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academic
acadmic
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academic degree
dgree
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degree
is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
way to have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
stable
life
and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
dending
Correct your spelling
ending
up with a good career,
Submitted by hebadyala on

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Introduction Advice
Your introduction provides a basic outline of the topic, but it contains grammatical errors that somewhat impact the clarity of your position. To increase the score, make sure the introduction clearly states the discussion points and includes a precise thesis statement that reflects your opinion.
Paragraph Structure Advice
It is important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph must have a central idea, followed by supporting information. Transitional phrases between ideas to show their connection would help maintain a logical flow.
Grammar & Spelling Advice
Your essay contains multiple grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors which impact the reader's understanding. Proofreading to correct these errors would significantly improve the writing quality.
Example Development Advice
Inclusion of relevant examples is good, but make sure they are fully developed and directly support your main points. You should also work to clearly state how these examples relate to your argument.
Clarity of Expression Advice
You must work on the clear expression of your ideas and avoid overly complex or awkward sentences that confuse the reader. Strive for clarity and simplicity in your writing.
Conclusion Advice
Your conclusion summarizes the essay, but it lacks a strong final thought and could be more concise in restating your position. Conclusions should effectively wrap up your argument, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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