Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career , while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school . Dicuss both views and give your opinion .

some
Correct your spelling
individuals
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that
optaning
Correct your spelling
obtaining
opening
a college
Correct your spelling
degree
dgree
Correct your spelling
degree
would improve your chances for better employee states , which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
do believe as well because
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
rais your
oppertionties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
to get a
desant
Correct your spelling
decent
descent
income in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
mean
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
Correct your spelling
other
others
othere
Correct your spelling
others
group thinks starting a job after finishing secondary school is more
benifishal
Correct your spelling
beneficial
this
essay will
explor
Correct your spelling
explore
both
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
Firstly
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly agree with is
notion
Add an article
the notion
a notion
show examples
, as been graduated
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
a good
coollege
Correct your spelling
college
is
essnisal
Correct your spelling
essential
to
compate
Correct your spelling
compete
compare
complete
with
othere
Correct your spelling
other
candidates when applying to a high
qulification
Correct your spelling
qualification
types of jobs that mean more chances to progress in
life
ones
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
you got them they
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
you
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
good
qulity
Correct your spelling
quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
style standers like
geeting
Correct your spelling
getting
married or been able to rent a house or flat , paying
you`r
Correct your spelling
your
bills , have a saving account to use for holidays or
miltiple
Correct your spelling
multiple
ocations
Correct your spelling
locations
, and that won`t come unless the person is highly
qulified
Correct your spelling
qualified
, with a high income,
for example
, doctors and bussenissemens who have
finish
Change the verb form
finished
show examples
there higher education had
a high wages
Correct the article-noun agreement
high wages
a high wage
show examples
than low skills workers . On the
othere
Correct your spelling
other
hand, people who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
aganist
Correct your spelling
against
this
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
that working from a young age like 16 -18 would teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people
responsplity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
and independancy
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
such
a
yong
Correct your spelling
young
agee
Correct your spelling
age
show examples
by
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
cantrol
Correct your spelling
control
of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
own
life
that helps
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
personality to
gow
Correct your spelling
grow
and become more aware with the desigions they make , in instance in german teens there was studes show that teens who have start there solo online bussenise since secondary school years where more seccseccfull later in
life
. in
Correct your spelling
conclusion
cancluion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
Correct your spelling
although
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
some
Correct your spelling
girls
gueas
Correct your spelling
guests
may
brefire
Correct your spelling
before
satrting
Correct your spelling
starting
work after high school ,
this
essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
that having an
Correct your spelling
academic
acadmic
Correct your spelling
academic degree
dgree
Correct your spelling
degree
is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
way to have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
stable
life
and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
dending
Correct your spelling
ending
up with a good career,
Submitted by hebadyala on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Advice
Your introduction provides a basic outline of the topic, but it contains grammatical errors that somewhat impact the clarity of your position. To increase the score, make sure the introduction clearly states the discussion points and includes a precise thesis statement that reflects your opinion.
Paragraph Structure Advice
It is important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph must have a central idea, followed by supporting information. Transitional phrases between ideas to show their connection would help maintain a logical flow.
Grammar & Spelling Advice
Your essay contains multiple grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors which impact the reader's understanding. Proofreading to correct these errors would significantly improve the writing quality.
Example Development Advice
Inclusion of relevant examples is good, but make sure they are fully developed and directly support your main points. You should also work to clearly state how these examples relate to your argument.
Clarity of Expression Advice
You must work on the clear expression of your ideas and avoid overly complex or awkward sentences that confuse the reader. Strive for clarity and simplicity in your writing.
Conclusion Advice
Your conclusion summarizes the essay, but it lacks a strong final thought and could be more concise in restating your position. Conclusions should effectively wrap up your argument, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: