Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

modern

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the modern

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era, it is

debatable

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a debatable

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topic that many famous

personality

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personalities

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become a part of controversy all over the time because of money and fame.

That is

why they present a wrong example for youth. I strongly agree with

this

statement nowadays, social

media

opens lots of gates to

become

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becoming

show examples

famous these

days

Correct word choice

and it

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may

ruins

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ruin

show examples

the life of

youngster

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a youngster

show examples

Firstly

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the media

show examples

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

Unnecessary verb

play

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play's

Verb problem

play

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a vital role they always

shows

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show

show examples

Change noun form

superstars'

superstar's

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superstars

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superstars'

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lifestyle

for earning

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to earn

show examples

a high rating. They telecast small moments which are not so important and entertaining.

For instance

few

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a few

show examples

days

back

media

channels

shows

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showed

show examples

comparison

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a comparison

the comparison

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between Will

smith

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Smith

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and Shahrukh

khan

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Khan

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houses which would be not so important for anyone,

whereas

a star from China Jacki Chain donates all his amount to trust but

media

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the media

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is not

showed

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show

show examples

this

Moreover

, influencer

buy

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buys

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something expensive for them to just show off, people just

became

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become

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crazy

for

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about

show examples

it and starts

talk

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talking

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about

there

Correct your spelling

their

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luxurious life.

Secondly

, technology plays a very important role

for

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show examples

celebrities

to become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

more famous. Sometimes they are not too

much

Rephrase

very

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talented but with the help of new

genration systens

Correct your spelling

generation systems

they change

voice

Correct pronoun usage

their voice

show examples

and appearance which look very

atractive

Correct your spelling

attractive

even without

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

hardwok

Correct your spelling

hard

For example

now a

Correct the word

nowadays

show examples

days

many singers change

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

echo

with

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show examples

taking help from new

softwares

Correct your spelling

software

for the good quality of the recording but when they perform in live shows they get embarrassed.

Furthermore

, these

days

people are

also

using many

application

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applications

show examples

in which they can add videos and get famous for various reasons and they can earn name and fame without doing any hard work. In conclusion,

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

genration

Correct your spelling

generation

should not follow

influencer

Fix the agreement mistake

influencers

show examples

because of

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

fame

instead

this

they should see

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

and some

are become

Change to the active voice

become

have become

show examples

famous without

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

, it put

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

impact on

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas in a more structured manner. Ensure that your ideas are supported with clear examples. Also, be mindful of the relevance of the examples you provide.

task achievement

Make sure to fully address the prompt by presenting a clear opinion and providing comprehensive ideas with relevant and specific examples. Also, be careful to organize your ideas effectively.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
50Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people argue that restaurants should be required to disclose the nutritional information of the dishes they serve. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

instead of requiring primary school students to do experiments themselves, schools should only alllow them to watch experiments demonstrated by teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?