IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and what is your opinion?

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Nowadays,
retirements
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retirees
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 cannot looked after for themselves,
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for
Correct word choice
and for
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this
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reason
Add the comma(s)
reason,
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 they have to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nursing
homes
Use synonyms
 or
care
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homes
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.
While
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 there are some benefits
of
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to
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this
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, I believe that we should not ignore the drawbacks. On the one hand, there are some decided upsides of staying at nursing
homes
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. The first one is the communicate with other retirements and not
tired
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be tired
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 of loneliness. Indeed, those who stayed at
care
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are outgoing
people
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, which means they can get
along with
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 anyone.
As a result
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, they can afford not to waste time and not get discouraged and maybe do some kind of
projects
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project
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. Because
people
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 who are retired, many of them are smart
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have achieved more and have a lot of experience.
Therefore
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, nursing
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home
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homes
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 help keep
to
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apply
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older
people
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 from getting bored.
Nevertheless
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, keeping the retirement in nursing and
care
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Use synonyms
home
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homes
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 can cause some problems. The main and prominent one could be the quality of service provided may not be good and elderly
people
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 cannot feel themselves at
home
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.
That is
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, when
people
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 live in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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, they can afford
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
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for
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apply
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everything.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 have own bedroom, toilet, living room and other. But in the nursing
home
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,
listed
Correct article usage
the listed
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 are all common,
that is
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, they live in the same house and use everything together. There are a few rules, that older
people
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 do not like it.
Consequently
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, the nurses, who could not tolerate the whims of the elderly
people
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, began to abuse them.
To sum up
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, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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care
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
 and
nurse
Replace the word
nursing
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homes
Use synonyms
 can offer some benefits like communication with
people
Use synonyms
 around you, but its negatives
also
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 should be taken
a
Change preposition
as a
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service quality of nursing.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay fails to provide a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the topics to be discussed and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the arguments made.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay requires significant improvement. Ideas should be presented in a logical order with clear paragraphs and transition words to help the reader follow the argument. This essay has presented ideas in a confusing order without clear transitions.
supported main points
While main points are somewhat supported with explanations, there is a lack of specific, relevant examples that clearly illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed. Use concrete examples to make the points more persuasive and easier to understand.
complete response
It is essential that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should explore both the advantages and disadvantages in balanced measure and make it clear whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas presented need improvement. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are explained in depth. The essay presents some ideas but not in an entirely clear and comprehensive manner.
relevant specific examples
The essay should include more relevant and specific examples that are directly tied to the advantages and disadvantages being discussed. This will make the argument stronger and more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional care
  • Medical attention
  • Trained staff
  • Social interaction
  • Combat loneliness
  • Safety and security
  • Relief for families
  • Loss of autonomy
  • Emotional impact
  • Cost
  • Financial strain
  • Quality of care
  • Neglect and abuse
  • Detachment from family
  • Mental wellbeing
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