IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some experts believe it is better for animals to live in zoos where they are safe and are given all the food they need. Do you think that living in zoos has more advantages or more disadvantages for animals?

#experts #animals #zoos #food
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One of the most controversial issues in the modern
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 is keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 .A group of people opine that
animals
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 are out of danger in
zoos
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,
while
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other
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others
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 don't.
This
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 entire essay will be discussed about the benefits and
drawbac
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
drawback
 of keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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. Keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 acts as a trigger for many positive aspects of our lives and has
variety
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a variety
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 of functions
that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 extremely unavoidable. First and foremost,
zoos
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 preserve endangered species by bringing them into a safe environment . Another important factor is that
,
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apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 provide healthy foods which are required for
animals
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. What is more, a recent study found that more than 60% find it more helpful because
of
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apply
show examples
they can
animals
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 in
zoos
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 easily. On the flip side of the coin, many other people
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
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concerned
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 that keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 undoubtedly has many negative outcomes. One of the most significant reasons is that
animals
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 can not adapt themselves
with
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to
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zoo's
Correct article usage
the zoo's
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 environment. At the same time, we have no right to earn money by kipping
animals
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.To add
with
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apply
show examples
, an interesting article from
the
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apply
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"The Daily Star" shows that a large number of people already have taken it more negatively as
animals
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 may suffer mentally or physically in
zoos
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To sum up
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, my thorough analysis is considerable to everyone.
Therefore
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, it is
clear
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clearly
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 evident from the above discussion that keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 has undoubtedly many advantages
along with
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 some unseen drawbacks. And I certainly can conclude that
benefits
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the benefits
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 surpass the drawbacks.
Submitted by abutahirahmed68 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, maintaining a consistent flow throughout. At times, the points made in the essay were not consistently linked, and paragraphs may benefit from clearer topic sentences that introduce the point of each paragraph effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present, but they could be strengthened by expressing a clearer stance on the question asked and summarizing key arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be supported with a more detailed development of ideas and examples. While examples were provided, they were often too general or not entirely convincing. It would be beneficial to include specific, relevant examples that support your points convincingly.
task achievement
A complete response necessitates fully addressing all parts of the question. While the essay attempts to discuss advantages and disadvantages, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there is an imbalance in the treatment of each side of the argument.
task achievement
Aim to present ideas clearly and comprehensively. It is crucial to explain the reasoning behind your points with clarity and sufficient detail, so the reader can understand and follow your arguments without difficulty.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to robustly back up your claims. Generic references such as 'a recent study' or 'an interesting article' require proper citations and elaboration to establish credibility and specificity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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