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Band 3.5

Some experts believe it is better for animals to live in zoos where they are safe and are given all the food they need. Do you think that living in zoos has more advantages or more disadvantages for animals?

#experts #animals #zoos #food
One of the most controversial issues in the modern
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 is keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 .A group of people opine that
animals
 are out of danger in
zoos
,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 don't.
This
 entire essay will be discussed about the benefits and
drawbac
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
drawback
 of keeping
animals
 in
zoos
. Keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 acts as a trigger for many positive aspects of our lives and has
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of functions
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 extremely unavoidable. First and foremost,
zoos
 preserve endangered species by bringing them into a safe environment . Another important factor is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
zoos
 provide healthy foods which are required for
animals
. What is more, a recent study found that more than 60% find it more helpful because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they can
animals
 in
zoos
 easily. On the flip side of the coin, many other people
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 that keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 undoubtedly has many negative outcomes. One of the most significant reasons is that
animals
 can not adapt themselves
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
zoo's
Correct article usage
the zoo's
show examples
 environment. At the same time, we have no right to earn money by kipping
animals
.To add
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, an interesting article from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
"The Daily Star" shows that a large number of people already have taken it more negatively as
animals
 may suffer mentally or physically in
zoos
To sum up
, my thorough analysis is considerable to everyone.
Therefore
, it is
clear
Change the word
clearly
show examples
 evident from the above discussion that keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 has undoubtedly many advantages
along with
 some unseen drawbacks. And I certainly can conclude that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 surpass the drawbacks.
Submitted by abutahirahmed68 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure, maintaining a consistent flow throughout. At times, the points made in the essay were not consistently linked, and paragraphs may benefit from clearer topic sentences that introduce the point of each paragraph effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were present, but they could be strengthened by expressing a clearer stance on the question asked and summarizing key arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be supported with a more detailed development of ideas and examples. While examples were provided, they were often too general or not entirely convincing. It would be beneficial to include specific, relevant examples that support your points convincingly.
task achievement
A complete response necessitates fully addressing all parts of the question. While the essay attempts to discuss advantages and disadvantages, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there is an imbalance in the treatment of each side of the argument.
task achievement
Aim to present ideas clearly and comprehensively. It is crucial to explain the reasoning behind your points with clarity and sufficient detail, so the reader can understand and follow your arguments without difficulty.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to robustly back up your claims. Generic references such as 'a recent study' or 'an interesting article' require proper citations and elaboration to establish credibility and specificity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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