People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #century #quality #life #centuries

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It is said that the quality of life has improved tremendously.

in contrast

Linking Words

to, previous centuries. I believe

this

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is true that we have a much better life quality and I will give my reason in

this

Linking Words

essay.

to begin

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with, I think

Internet

Correct article usage

the Internet

show examples

has developed so far in the 21st

century

Use synonyms

which has improved our lives so much. nowadays, it is easy to use and solve our issues with the Internet that were hard to solve.

for instance

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, money can be transferred effortlessly with some apps on our cell phones.

In contrast

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, before , we had to go to a bank

for transferring

Change preposition

to transfer

show examples

money.

furthermore

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, our medical facility has enhanced during the 21st

century

Use synonyms

. now we have several new machines and equipment.

also

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, we have vaccines Which prevent us

to be

Change preposition

from being

show examples

ill. but before people died because of some disease which we cure them easily now

.to

Correct your spelling

say, influenza killed many individuals.

however

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, some people believe that the environmental impact of our technology and our lifestyle can't be recuperated as we have polluted our air and water so much.

also

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, we have lost many species that we had in the previous

century

Use synonyms

for example

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, there are several Pandas and polar bears which are under threat of extinction now.

Nevertheless

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,in my ,opinion people should change their lifestyles to prevent all of

this

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damage. In conclusion, our lives have developed so much in the 21st

century

Use synonyms

thanks to the Internet which made our life much easier and medical improvement that has raised our chance of living.

Submitted by 1244355479 on Thu Dec 14 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay provides a basic response to the prompt but lacks clear, comprehensive ideas and relevant specific examples. For a higher score, develop your ideas more fully, use more precise examples, and ensure your stance on the topic is evident throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your writing displays an attempt at logical structure, yet it suffers from grammatical inaccuracies and issues with punctuation, which affect readability. Work on constructing clear topic sentences and cohesive supporting paragraphs. Also, maintain consistency in the use of formal language and take care with punctuation.

Introduction & Conclusion

You have included an introduction and a conclusion, but they are underdeveloped. The introduction should more explicitly state your thesis and outline the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize your arguments clearly and restate your thesis. Aim for a more impactful opening and closing to your essays.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

254 words

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People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As a result of electronic invention such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent so you agree or disagree?

Some people say that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?