IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #century #quality #life #centuries
It is said that the quality of life has improved tremendously.
in contrast
 to, previous centuries. I believe
this
 is true that we have a much better life quality and I will give my reason in
this
 essay.
to begin
 with, I think
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 has developed so far in the 21st
century
 which has improved our lives so much. nowadays, it is easy to use and solve our issues with the Internet that were hard to solve.
for instance
, money can be transferred effortlessly with some apps on our cell phones.
In contrast
 , before , we had to go to a bank
for transferring
Change preposition
to transfer
show examples
 money.
furthermore
, our medical facility has enhanced during the 21st
century
. now we have several new machines and equipment.
also
, we have vaccines Which prevent us
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 ill. but before people died because of some disease which we cure them easily now
.to
Correct your spelling
To
 say, influenza killed many individuals.
however
, some people believe that the environmental impact of our technology and our lifestyle can't be recuperated as we have polluted our air and water so much.
also
, we have lost many species that we had in the previous
century
.
for example
, there are several Pandas and polar bears which are under threat of extinction now.
Nevertheless
,in my ,opinion people should change their lifestyles to prevent all of
this
 damage. In conclusion, our lives have developed so much in the 21st
century
 thanks to the Internet which made our life much easier and medical improvement that has raised our chance of living.
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a basic response to the prompt but lacks clear, comprehensive ideas and relevant specific examples. For a higher score, develop your ideas more fully, use more precise examples, and ensure your stance on the topic is evident throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing displays an attempt at logical structure, yet it suffers from grammatical inaccuracies and issues with punctuation, which affect readability. Work on constructing clear topic sentences and cohesive supporting paragraphs. Also, maintain consistency in the use of formal language and take care with punctuation.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, but they are underdeveloped. The introduction should more explicitly state your thesis and outline the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize your arguments clearly and restate your thesis. Aim for a more impactful opening and closing to your essays.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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