IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games
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Literature was present in the era before Christ. In those days, only wealthy people were able to read
books
, as they were the only ones able to afford them. In modern days, though many people are literate, individuals prefer to watch movies or play video
games
 rather than read a book. In my opinion,
books
 are as necessary as watching TV or playing
games
.
Firstly
,
books
 play an integral role in improving our intelligence, as it helps an individual's mind to wander freely,
also
 making them creative.
According to
 a study done by Terman, intelligence influences creativity, as an individual who is intelligent tends to be able to learn new things
hence
 making them creative and vice versa.
Secondly
,
books
 are our friends, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 us in making new friends;
For example
: If people have a common interest in reading certain types of
books
, it helps them bond over it.
In contrast
, playing video
games
 improves our problem-solving abilities and our motor skills.
For instance
,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
survey conducted by the American
children
Capitalize word
Children
show examples
association
Capitalize word
Association
show examples
, video
games
 have
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 children to think faster and effectively solve problems, it has
also
 helped in improving
hand to eye
Add a hyphen
hand-to-eye
show examples
 coordination. In conclusion,
books
 provide us with knowledge
as well as
 creativity but what
books
 lack, watching television and playing
games
 helps cover it.
Therefore
, I believe
books
 are as important as watching television and playing
games
.
Submitted by chipmunkkvee on

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question asked. It seems that you've provided an argument for both sides without a clear extent of agreement or disagreement. The task requires a direct answer to the extent that you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence
Your introduction sets a general context but does not lead directly to a thesis or clear standpoint, which is essential for task coherence. Make sure to have a clear opinion that aligns with the prompt, presented in your introduction.
cohesion
Your conclusion should restate your main points and clearly summarize your position. It should not introduce new arguments or contrasts unless they have been fully explored within the body of your essay.
cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and maintain a clear progression from one paragraph to the next, strengthening the flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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