IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many FPTU students use their phones and laptops to play games during the English lessons. What problems does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Using
phones
Use synonyms
 and
laptops
Use synonyms
 for working or studying is convenient, but many FPTU
students
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 their
phones
Use synonyms
 and
laptops
Use synonyms
 to play
games
Use synonyms
 during lessons, especially English lessons. In my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 problem is affecting education , their study, and so on. So we need to understand several
problems
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as well as
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 solutions for
this
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. There are two
problems
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 why many
students
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use
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 and
laptops
Use synonyms
 to play
games
Use synonyms
. The first hurdle is their
focus
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. The
focus
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 is crucial for many people, especially the
students
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. To illustrate, many
students
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 usually do not
focus
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 on the lesson
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading
time
Use synonyms
, for the reason that they feel bored and asleep.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 challenge was their
habit
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.
According to
Linking Words
 some scientific news, the
habit
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 of humans has an impact on their activities, especially study or work, because they only think about playing
games
Use synonyms
 or using social media, and so on.
For example
Linking Words
, we
use
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 the phone to
entertain
Correct pronoun usage
entertain ourselves
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 problem will become
their
Change the word
a
show examples
habit
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 if
they
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 do not control and affect
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 lifestyle .
Along with
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 several
problems
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, we
also
Linking Words
 have solutions in order to solve them .
First,
Linking Words
we should learn to manage our
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 solution allows us to divide the suitable
time
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 for work and entertainment, we can promote the
focus
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 and fix the
habit
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.
For example
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, many big and famous companies including Google , Alphabet , and so on work so much, but they always spend
time
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 taking care of their family. Another solution is to promote awareness. We can listen to podcasts which discuss
this
Linking Words
 solution, or we must understand that knowledge is important, especially
foreign
Change preposition
in foreign
show examples
 languages . In short, with two solutions, not only changing your awareness but
also
Linking Words
 improving your lifestyle. In conclusion, the
focus
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 and the
habit
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 are general
problems
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 of many FPTU
students
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 management and
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness are one of the best ways to solve
problems
Use synonyms
. More and more FPT
students
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 their
phones
Use synonyms
 and
laptops
Use synonyms
 to play
games
Use synonyms
 during the lessons which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a negative impact on
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has an apparent structure with a beginning, a middle and an end, but it would benefit from clearer paragraphing and better transition phrases to make your ideas more interconnected and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is then expanded upon with appropriate supporting details and examples. Avoid being too general or vague in your statements.
task achievement
You have addressed parts of the prompt, but your response is not fully developed. You should expand more on the problems caused by the specific issue of playing games during English lessons at FPTU, with pertinent examples. Similarly, your solutions could be more directly related to the educational setting.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific, clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring relevance to the topic. Support your ideas with examples that are directly related to the issue at hand, such as how playing games in class specifically affects students' language learning abilities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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