IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Q.Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#q #government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
It is claim by some
people
 that it is essential to spend public
money
 to protect
Correct article usage
the
show examples
arts
,
while
 a segment of
people
 believe that it is just an extra expense and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 ought to expend
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 budget to improve public service. I partially agree with these statements
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 consuming funds on
arts
 and spending
money
 to develop public places. In
this
 essay, I will provide some arguments to support my opinion. There appear to be a number of reasons why some
people
 argue that
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 budget ought
not
Add the word
not to
show examples
 be spent on
arts
. First of all, there are numerous serious problems in our society that must be solved by the
government
, namely establishing new infrastructure for the education system or providing the national health system with modern devices.
As a result
, the
people
 of any country who struggle
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 fundamental needs can get them easily.
Secondly
, nowadays, environmental pollution is a problem which is becoming serious.
That is
 why
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must focus on the environment to reduce
this
 serious problem and keep our environment safe from destruction.
On the other hand
, there are a number of reasons why many
people
 believe that
government
 has to expend
money
 on
arts
 and
culture
. One of the reasons may be that it is always fantastic to spend
money
 to protect cultural heritage because it is related to our
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
. Through these monuments, we preserve our
culture
 as it speaks about our history and it will help the next generation to understand the traditions and values. Another reason can be that, if national
money
 is spent to progress music and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
, it has a high chance of making renowned artists who will work to demonstrate our
culture
 worldwide.
For example
, Justine Baiever, a famous Canadian singer and songwriter, is an artist whose works attracted a massive global audience, which not only accumulated a wide spectacular but
also
 attracted
people
 to the
culture
 of Canada. In conclusion, it must be said that these two groups have countless arguments to support their opinions;
however
, I partially agree with both views.
Submitted by saifurrahman200209 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure introduction clearly presents your standpoint and outlines the essay's direction to fulfill the task response fully.
task achievement
Develop main points with more specific examples to enhance task achievement, ensuring relevance to the thesis.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas more logically, using clear topic sentences and cohesive devices to create a well-structured essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid ambiguous pronouns and repetitious sentence starts to maintain coherence and improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should encapsulate the essay's main points more explicitly for better coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!