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Band 3

Topic 2: Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?

#topic #british #families #televisions #influence #development #creativity #children
To begin
 with, In
this
era
Add a comma
era,
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 parents are very serious
for
Change preposition
about
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 the future of their children they want their child to
do get
Verb problem
apply
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succeed but there are so
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 technologies which influence their career. In my opinion, I think that family will have to make the complete schedule
in
Change preposition
on
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daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis.
Firstly
, give the
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 some free hand because activities
also
plays
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play
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 a very vital role.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 watching
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
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 in a good manner like some informative channels will
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 give some knowledge but
also
 giving
time
 to
studies
Replace the word
study
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 is very important
ranther
Correct your spelling
rather
 than watching television all day by wasting your
time
.
For instance
, If the parents make the complete
time table
Correct your spelling
timetable
show examples
this
 will benefit them and life goes in a smooth manner and the teenager will stick to the plans
according to
 the slot.
Secondly
, some biological parent
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not give attention to their child and they are doing whatever they want to do
this
 will include some bad activities and that will cause them and their career too. Taking some
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 and
lived
Wrong verb form
living
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 in a suitable manner will give you gain confidence and help you to
fulfill
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fulfil
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your
colors
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colours
show examples
. In conclusion. I want to say that from the beginning parents have to make
time
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 table
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their teenager it
will
Verb problem
apply
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might bring a lot of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 to them. If they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not focus their whole life will be ruined.
Submitted by maazansari878 on

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structure
Your essay needs a clear introductory paragraph that sets up the main points you will discuss. Make sure you finish with a clear conclusion that summarizes and restates your main points and opinion.
cohesion
Strive for a logical flow in your essay, with clear connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to help with the progression of ideas.
development
Your essay partially addresses the question but could be expanded with more fully developed points and clearer explanations. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is developed with explanations and examples.
task response
While there are some relevant points made, you could strengthen your essay with more specific examples and a clearer expression of your opinions. This would help the reader understand your perspective and the reasoning behind it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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