Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Through decades
people
have tried to solve their health problems both with traditional methods like going to a doctor or with alternative
medicine
. Today, the number of people
who trust alternative
medicine
is increasing. In my opinion, although
this
situation may be considered a positive development, there are also
negative aspects that outweigh the positive sides. This
essay will discuss both sides.
On the positive side, trying alternative
medicine
may lead to new insight into medicine
and different perspectives, in addition
to the treatment they offer. Today, there are lots of people
who recover themselves without going under the knives
of doctors. Taking scoliosis as an example, Fix the agreement mistake
knife
years
ago the only method for treating this
disorder was surgery which the doctors cut the spine. Later a person, Ms Melinda, who didn’t want to proceed with the surgery tried different methods such
as making a corset from hard material and wearing it all day to straighten the angles of her spine. Years
later, she and her doctor can easily see the progress. With
that way, she Change preposition
In
is
not only Verb problem
apply
treated
herselfWrong verb form
treats
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
contributes to the medicine
.
However
, on the negative side, people
can harm themselves in a more bad way because of the unreliability of the alternative
medicine
sector. A significant proportion of alternative
medicine
treaters are speculators, consisting of unprofessionals who want to gain a lot of money and they
don’t know what they do. There is an article published 3 Correct pronoun usage
apply
years
ago regarding herbal obesity pills that offer a natural way to lose weight. Nearly, 2 million people
all around the World died in that year because of those pills. Later, even though they restricted them, many innocent people
died because of the lack of information about the ingredients and their effects.
In conclusion, throughout the years
, the number of people
trying alternative
medicine
is
Verb problem
has
increasing
more and more every day Wrong verb form
increased
instead
of seeing doctors. Despite the fact that alternative
medicine
may help in treating some health problems, it should be administered in a conscious and controlled by professionals in order to prevent more damage.Submitted by asik.melliss on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction successfully presents the topic but could have directly addressed the question regarding whether the trend is positive or negative. Include a clear thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Ensure body paragraphs are focused and clearly address different aspects of the question. While the essay discusses benefits and drawbacks, it should clearly state which side you support.
Task Achievement
Examples used are pertinent, but ensure their source, authenticity, and relevance to the argument. Unsupported claims weaken your argument structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but sentences could be more varied in structure for enhanced readability. Transitions between ideas could also be smoother.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a final conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your thesis strongly. This will help reinforce your argument to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are supported, but additional evidence and more detailed explanations could strengthen the effectiveness of each point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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