IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Task 1: The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spents helping their children with four activities in 2013

#percentage #time #australian #mothers #fathers #spents #children #four #activities
The bar chart illustrates how much
time
 Australian
parents
 spent helping their
children
 in four different activities in 2013. In general, it can be seen that
mothers
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more
time
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
 in most activities.
Additionally
,
both
parents
 spent the majority of
time
 playing with their kids. The
mothers
 spent
about75
Correct your spelling
about 75
% and 50% of their
time
 with their
children
, getting
dress
Wrong verb form
dressed
show examples
 and doing homework, respectively. Meanwhile, fathers only spent about 3% of their
time
 dressing and 10%
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
completing homework with their kids. It is noticeable that the amount of dressing and doing homework
time
 women spent
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
 was nearly three times greater than men.
In addition
, the hours
both
parents
 spent
time
together with
 their
children
 account for more
20
Change preposition
than 20
show examples
% and nearly 40%, dressing and doing assignments.
It is clear that
both
parents
 spent
time
 with their kids playing games nearly two times higher than only
mothers
 and only
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 with 70%.
Additionally
, the percentage of
time
both
parents
 participated in preparing
bed
Correct article usage
the bed
show examples
 took up 50%, which was nearly 10% greater than that in
mothers
.
Submitted by phongjoy.mayman on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, parents, children, mothers, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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