IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spents helping their children with four activities in 2013

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The bar chart illustrates how much
time
Use synonyms
 Australian
parents
Use synonyms
 spent helping their
children
Use synonyms
 in four different activities in 2013. In general, it can be seen that
mothers
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more
time
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for
Change preposition
with
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 their
children
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 in most activities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
both
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parents
Use synonyms
 spent the majority of
time
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 playing with their kids. The
mothers
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 spent
about75
Correct your spelling
about 75
% and 50% of their
time
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 with their
children
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, getting
dress
Wrong verb form
dressed
show examples
 and doing homework, respectively. Meanwhile, fathers only spent about 3% of their
time
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 dressing and 10%
on
Change preposition
apply
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completing homework with their kids. It is noticeable that the amount of dressing and doing homework
time
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 women spent
for
Change preposition
with
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 their
children
Use synonyms
 was nearly three times greater than men.
In addition
Linking Words
, the hours
both
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parents
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 spent
time
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together with
Linking Words
 their
children
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 account for more
20
Change preposition
than 20
show examples
% and nearly 40%, dressing and doing assignments.
It is clear that
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
parents
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 spent
time
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 with their kids playing games nearly two times higher than only
mothers
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 and only
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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 with 70%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of
time
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both
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parents
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 participated in preparing
bed
Correct article usage
the bed
show examples
 took up 50%, which was nearly 10% greater than that in
mothers
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, parents, children, mothers, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
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