Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Most of the early schooling kids spend a lot of
time
using smartphones.i
think that it Change the capitalization
I
plays
detrimental Verb problem
has
effects
on their development
.In this
essay, I shall discuss why it is negative on children
Change noun form
children's
development
with logical
conclusion.
There are several reasons why it Add an article
a logical
plays
detrimental Verb problem
has
effects
on small students they are distrub in studies, significant effects
on nation development
.firstly
, Due to
overuse
of Correct article usage
the overuse
smartphones
many schooling Add a comma
smartphones,
children
are addicted to it and they spend their quality time
on useless things rather than on there
studies.Another reason is if Correct your spelling
their
children
don't pay attention on
their education Change preposition
to
country
will not have Correct article usage
the country
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
worker
in future which can create economic and Fix the agreement mistake
workers
tenchical
Correct your spelling
political
crisis
in Fix the agreement mistake
crises
further
time
.
To overcome this
negative Correct determiner usage
these
effects
government and parents should be aware and give little attention on
their Change preposition
to
children
. Government
should make strict rules or they should restrict some kinds of mobile games in Correct article usage
The government
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
also
parents should be careful of what their children
doing
Wrong verb form
do
in
smartphones they should give only Change preposition
on
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
time
to such
stuff.Although
it will be hard for addicted kids to overcome the use of mobiles they should be engaged in different activities like drawing,playing outdoors
Change the word
outdoor
game
or mind games .
Fix the agreement mistake
games
To conclude
mobile phones, television and other virtual medium of entertainment plays
negative Verb problem
have
effect
on both Fix the agreement mistake
effects
nation
and Correct article usage
the nation
students
future so Change noun form
students'
student's
it
should be limited for Correct pronoun usage
they
children
inorder
to Correct your spelling
in order
make
Verb problem
improve
Correct article usage
the country
country
Change noun form
country's
development
and child
mental Change noun form
children's
development
.Most of
Change preposition
apply
the
parents should give Correct article usage
apply
time
on
their Change preposition
to
children
Change noun form
children's
development
rather than their work .Submitted by pratigyakadel on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical structure, which is paramount for the reader to follow the argument seamlessly. Transition between ideas should be smoother, and paragraphs better organized.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they are simplistic and lack a clear thesis statement and summarizing conclusion. A more sophisticated approach, reiterating the main points, is necessary in both sections.
coherence cohesion
Main points are stated but not well-supported with specific examples or detailed explanation. Making general statements is insufficient without evidence or illustrative examples to back up the claims.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. Both parts of the prompt need to be addressed equally, with clear opinions and explanations. The essay only marginally touches upon why children spend hours every day on smartphones and lacks a more thorough exploration of whether it is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay are somewhat clear but not comprehensive. They need to be fully developed with more depth and clarity to convey a strong argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples are scarce and not adequately elaborated. Using specific, relevant examples would significantly strengthen the points made and make the essay more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.