Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects.

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Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
should study
Use synonyms
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
of
food
Use synonyms
and how to
cook
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
says somebody. Others suggest that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
should learn important
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
during school hours.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both views and will share my
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
about
this
Linking Words
consern
Correct your spelling
concern
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is necessary for
students
Use synonyms
to acquire knowledge about
food
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
.When anyone knows about
food
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
, it will make him more conscious about health and fitness.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
study will help
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
to
indentify
Correct your spelling
identify
about which
food
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provide which nutrients.
In addition
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, many
students
Use synonyms
are living in
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
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with their
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
but they
dont
Verb problem
do not
show examples
know how to
cook
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
for
Correct word choice
and for
show examples
this
Linking Words
reason
Add the comma(s)
reason,
show examples
they have to
ear their
Correct your spelling
eat there
show examples
in a restaurant. If they knew how to
cook
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
, they did not have to go
any
Change preposition
to any
show examples
restaurant and it
also
Linking Words
saved
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
money.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is necessary for all
students
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to acquire knowledge in any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
of important
subject
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to
built
Change the form of the verb
build
show examples
their career.
In addition
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, many
students
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choose many kinds of
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
Linking Words
as engineering
science
Use synonyms
, medical
science
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, politics, business management, humanities and so on. By studying those subjects individuals can acquire knowledge to create their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
Change preposition
On
show examples
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, there are many subjects which are unnecessary for
students
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
they should avoid learning these
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
a better career
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
should learn important
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
and they can
also
Linking Words
learn about
food
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
and how to
cook
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mahmudulhasansakib011 on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, presenting some ideas about the importance of learning both food science and traditional subjects. However, you should ensure the ideas are fully expanded upon to meet the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay needs a better-structured introduction and conclusion. Both should clearly introduce and summarize the main points of the discussion without introducing new details in the conclusion.
task achievement
Each main point needs stronger support through more detailed explanations and the use of specific examples. Doing so increases the level of engagement and comprehension for the reader and shows an ability to use the language to argue a point effectively.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and a clear progression of ideas could be used more effectively to improve the logical flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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