IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

parents should their children screentime. Do you agree ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
children
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 nowadays spend too much
time
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 on digital devices. I firmly believe that parents should strictly limit their
screen
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time
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 for two reasons. First of all, spending too much
screen
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time
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 on digital devices can lead to make a person an introvert.
For instance
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, scientists have been noticing increasing rates of
children
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 who would rather spend
time
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 with online friends than hang out with real friends.
In addition
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, spending too much
time
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 on
screen
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 is bad for
children
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's health. Looking at a computer or smartphone
screen
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 for a long
time
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 can damage their eyesight and cause headaches.
In addition
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, their postures remain in the same post repeatedly and cause muscle pain.
Last
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 but not least, spending too much
time
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 on digital devices could interfere with
children
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's development in their social skills because if they only spend their
time
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 in front of the
screen
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, they will have less experience in real discussions. To summarize, it is important to minimize
time
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 spent in front of screens to protect
children
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's health. By keeping them away from electronic waves, we help
children
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 grow healthier, both physically and mentally.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea, supported by relevant details and examples. Aim to develop your points more fully with specific examples from credible sources or personal experiences to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make your position clear throughout the response and provide a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion. Enhance the overall clarity by refining your introduction and conclusion to make them more precise and impactful.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt, but you should work on presenting a more nuanced argument with varied sentence structures. Include a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical forms to demonstrate language proficiency.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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