parents should their children screentime. Do you agree ?
Many
children
nowadays spend too much time
on digital devices. I firmly believe that parents should strictly limit their screen
time
for two reasons. First of all, spending too much screen
time
on digital devices can lead to make a person an introvert. For instance
, scientists have been noticing increasing rates of children
who would rather spend time
with online friends than hang out with real friends. In addition
, spending too much time
on screen
is bad for children
's health. Looking at a computer or smartphone screen
for a long time
can damage their eyesight and cause headaches. In addition
, their postures remain in the same post repeatedly and cause muscle pain. Last
but not least, spending too much time
on digital devices could interfere with children
's development in their social skills because if they only spend their time
in front of the screen
, they will have less experience in real discussions. To summarize, it is important to minimize time
spent in front of screens to protect children
's health. By keeping them away from electronic waves, we help children
grow healthier, both physically and mentally.Submitted by minhlee060312 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea, supported by relevant details and examples. Aim to develop your points more fully with specific examples from credible sources or personal experiences to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make your position clear throughout the response and provide a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion. Enhance the overall clarity by refining your introduction and conclusion to make them more precise and impactful.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt, but you should work on presenting a more nuanced argument with varied sentence structures. Include a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical forms to demonstrate language proficiency.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite