Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.
The topic
about
Change preposition
of
children
is always an interesting topic with pro
contra opinions. In concern with Correct word choice
apply
responsibility
, many people believe that children
should have extra responsibility
and some others believe that children
should be free to enjoy their lives.
The people who believe that children
should be free from extra responsibility
maybe
think that adding extra Correct your spelling
may
responsibility
can be a burden for the children
. The world of the children
is playing. Because of that, they do not have to carry out responsibilities that are not yet their job
. But sometimes, we as adults use our perspectives about responsibility
as a job
that make
us burdened. Change the verb form
makes
However
, in the children
’s view, it can be very different. They can do the job
or responsibility
without hesitation because they think that they are playing. Some children
even like if
they are given the task of cleaning the dirty dishes because it means that they can play with the water.
Correct pronoun usage
it if
In
the other hand, there are many adults who believe that giving Change preposition
On
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
extra responsibility
means stimulate
the Wrong verb form
stimulating
children
in several development
aspects. Replace the word
developmental
Firstly
, the motoric stimulation of the children
can be fulfilled. Children
need enough activities to enhance their motoric
Correct your spelling
motor
skill
. Giving them extra Fix the agreement mistake
skills
responsibility
can activate this
skill. Secondly
, it can stimulate the creativity of the children
to solve the problem. Giving them an extra job
means that there will be another difficulty that has to be solved. So, the children
will find a way to solve the problem. Lastly
, the extra responsibility
can help them to be more independent, and this
is a characteristic that can help them a lot in society’s life.
To summarize, although
there are people who believe that the children
’s job
is playing and they do not have to take the extra responsibility
, I prefer to give extra responsibility
to the children
so they can be more prepared to involve
in society.Wrong verb form
be involved
Submitted by isnaini on
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coherence cohesion
A logical structure is somewhat maintained throughout the essay, but clear paragraphing and better signaling of idea progression will help in guiding the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they should more explicitly state the main arguments and recapitulate your position for improved clarity.
coherence cohesion
Main points are identifiable, but they require stronger support through more detailed explanations or examples that are directly relevant.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, the response only partially addresses all parts of the task. The essay should provide a balanced discussion of both views before presenting a clear conclusion based on the arguments made.
task achievement
Ideas presented are understandable, yet they must be further expanded into clearer and more comprehensive arguments throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to strengthen the arguments. The example about children washing dishes, for instance, could be integrated better into the discussion through elaboration on how such an activity benefits their development.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.