IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Celebrities earn more money than other professionals. Some people believe that this is unfair. However, others justify the high salaries of actors, singers and athletes. What is your opinion?

#celebrities #money #professionals #people #salaries #actors #singers #athletes
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The question of whether thinking
that is
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 right that a celebrity or an actor get
an
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a
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 higher salary than other professionals who have a "normal job" is generally very controversial.
Althogh
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Although
 I agree with the
though
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thought
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 that it's unfair that
artits
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artists
 and actors are overly paid just because they are famous and hyped at the moment.
In particular
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, when it's about professionality, the amount of money
payed
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paid
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 to get a work done should be based on many factors
such
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 as
:
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apply
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 experience, time and risks. The main reason why jobs with different
level
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levels
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 of risk should be
payed
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paid
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 differently is that,
for instance
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, a pilot risks
its
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their
his
her
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 life
everyday
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every day
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 to make
possible
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it possible
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 to other people to travel. Indeed an actor, unless it's a stuntman,
dosen't
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doesn't
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 risk it's own life on a
dayli
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day
.
Its
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It's
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 certainly true that there are different types of celebrities and their taled should be
reconized
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recognised
 and
payed
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paid
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 with the right amount of money. Nowadays, especially teenagers due
the
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to the
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oversuse
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overuse
 of social media think that becoming famous is easy and talent is not necessary.
For instance
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, not all the
artits
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artists
 become
succesful
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successful
, so it's fair that they get a high salary.
However
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, there are people who are professionals at their job, an example could be a plumber, but
in contrast
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, their salary is not even a quarter compared to what
celebriets
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celebrities
celebrates
celebrity
 get. In brief, talent in every field should be
reconozied
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recognised
 and
payed
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paid
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 with the right amount. Not everyone can be an actor or a famous musician, despite
this
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, it's not fair that a normal person who works hard and it's a professional in what he does gets
payed
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paid
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 substantially less than a celebrity.
Submitted by clarissapanozzo1 on

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coherence cohesion
Despite addressing the topic, the essay presents a limited range of cohesive devices, and paragraphing is inadequate. The usage of connectors and clear topic sentences for each paragraph could enhance the logical flow of information. Misunderstandings and inaccuracies in language occasionally hinder meaning.
task achievement
The response is somewhat responsive to the prompt, but it falls short of consistently addressing all parts of the task. Provide a more balanced argument by articulating the counter-view more clearly. Opinions are not fully extended nor adequately supported with specific examples or detailed explanations. Aim to develop paragraphs with clear main ideas, supported by relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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