IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

people have didffernt expectation fpr jobs, some people prefer to do the same job for the company whereas othes prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #didffernt #expectation #fpr #jobs #job #company #othes #change
there has been controversial
Correct your spelling
arguments
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
 surrounding the issue of different aim when looking for jobs,
while
 some people think that should change
jobsregulary
Correct your spelling
jobs regularly
, I believe that taking a
job
 in the same company is a better choice On the one hand, the benefits of changing jobs cannot be denied, frequent
job
 changes will give them a lot of experience, leading to them easily responding and adapting to many different working environments. Another purpose that makes them change their
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
 is to demand a high salary suitable to their qualifications and professional skills to meet personal needs
such
 as living expenses and shopping.
Finally
, It cannot be denied that variation in work is a perfect ideal for those who always want something new in their
vwork
Correct your spelling
work
and challenge
themsevles
Correct your spelling
themselves
 when having the opportunity to interact with people and colleagues in many different environments.
On the other hand
, Getting a
job
 in a company that brings them many opportunities at work,
Firstly
, They will have a lot of experience and knowledge
as well as
well-trained
Add a missing verb
be well-trained
show examples
, which will make it easier for them
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to complete the tasks assigned to them and
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
 in
tyhe
Correct your spelling
the
 office
environment
Change the noun form
environments
show examples
such
 as conflicts and competition between colleagues and superiors,
Secondly
, they can receive many incentives and promotions because of their long-term dedication to the company and they often tend to gain the trust of leadership, more importantly, they always have a fairly stable income that allows them to cover their living expenses and other arising problems, including family, friends. In conclusion,
Although
 there is still a debate about whether to change jobs
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
 or stay in a fixed
job
, I still support that it is better for people a permanent
job
.
Submitted by lbao7028 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logically structured introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with supporting sentences that connect directly to the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The supporting points in your essay are not developed with specific examples or details. Aim to provide clear evidence or examples to back up each point you make.
coherence cohesion
You need to work on writing an effective introduction and conclusion. Both should present the topic and your opinion clearly and summarise the main points of the essay succinctly.
task achievement
Your response does not fully address all parts of the task. When discussing both views and giving your own opinion, be explicit and distinct about where each view is detailed and ensure your opinion is clear and backed up with reasons.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are not expressed clearly and comprehensively. Focus on structuring sentences and paragraphs to articulate your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points discussed. Including real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios can greatly improve the impact of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: