IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

people have didffernt expectation fpr jobs, some people prefer to do the same job for the company whereas othes prefer to change jobs frequently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #didffernt #expectation #fpr #jobs #job #company #othes #change
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there has been controversial
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arguments
arguements
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arguments
 surrounding the issue of different aim when looking for jobs,
while
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 some people think that should change
jobsregulary
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jobs regularly
, I believe that taking a
job
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 in the same company is a better choice On the one hand, the benefits of changing jobs cannot be denied, frequent
job
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 changes will give them a lot of experience, leading to them easily responding and adapting to many different working environments. Another purpose that makes them change their
woking
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working
show examples
 is to demand a high salary suitable to their qualifications and professional skills to meet personal needs
such
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 as living expenses and shopping.
Finally
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, It cannot be denied that variation in work is a perfect ideal for those who always want something new in their
vwork
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work
and challenge
themsevles
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themselves
 when having the opportunity to interact with people and colleagues in many different environments.
On the other hand
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, Getting a
job
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 in a company that brings them many opportunities at work,
Firstly
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, They will have a lot of experience and knowledge
as well as
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well-trained
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be well-trained
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, which will make it easier for them
by
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apply
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to complete the tasks assigned to them and
proplems
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problems
 in
tyhe
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the
 office
environment
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environments
show examples
such
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 as conflicts and competition between colleagues and superiors,
Secondly
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, they can receive many incentives and promotions because of their long-term dedication to the company and they often tend to gain the trust of leadership, more importantly, they always have a fairly stable income that allows them to cover their living expenses and other arising problems, including family, friends. In conclusion,
Although
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 there is still a debate about whether to change jobs
regulary
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regularly
 or stay in a fixed
job
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, I still support that it is better for people a permanent
job
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.
Submitted by lbao7028 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logically structured introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea with supporting sentences that connect directly to the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The supporting points in your essay are not developed with specific examples or details. Aim to provide clear evidence or examples to back up each point you make.
coherence cohesion
You need to work on writing an effective introduction and conclusion. Both should present the topic and your opinion clearly and summarise the main points of the essay succinctly.
task achievement
Your response does not fully address all parts of the task. When discussing both views and giving your own opinion, be explicit and distinct about where each view is detailed and ensure your opinion is clear and backed up with reasons.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are not expressed clearly and comprehensively. Focus on structuring sentences and paragraphs to articulate your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points discussed. Including real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios can greatly improve the impact of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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