IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that students should learn both science of meal and how to make it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #students #science
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 modern era, most individuals are of the opinion that students ought to learn both
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
as well as
 how to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
While
 others consider they must spend their precious time on crucial subjects rather than studying
cooking
Correct word choice
and cooking
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
. In my opinion, it will be better to gain knowledge by means of exact subjects
instead
 of wasting their time on others. On the one hand, it can offer some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to young learners.
Firstly
,
as a result
 of
fact
Correct article usage
the fact
show examples
 that nowadays the majority of people are moving away from their parents and in
this
 case, significant skills
such
 as cooking and cleaning are increasingly important
while
 living independently.
Secondly
,
this
 may help to create
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
 preparing various delicious
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 every day which can improve their both mental and physical health.
On the other hand
, learning academic subjects can outweigh easily
Correct article usage
the indystry
show examples
indystry
Correct your spelling
industry
 of food. It is already known that food
preparition
Correct your spelling
preparation
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 can not guarantee
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students to better future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and they can not make money from it.
Moreover
, it requires
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young learners much more effort and understanding
difficult
Change preposition
of difficult
show examples
 concepts which are not easy for some sort of people. Take an example, academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are rather fundamental to
get
Verb problem
acquiring
show examples
 useful skills in the sphere students choose and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can provide more opportunities to create
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 future
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In conclusion, some people believe that it is better to focus on preparational skills , to my mind, it is rather important to study other fields.
Submitted by sevarajumanova39 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve logical cohesion by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with clear transition phrases and by maintaining consistent tense and point of view throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen introduction and conclusion to better outline your key points and summarise the argument effectively. The closing paragraph should unequivocally reflect your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance main points with more focused development and relevant examples. Each idea should be elaborated upon sufficiently to demonstrate understanding and to clarify your position.
task achievement
Ensure you provide a complete response by addressing all parts of the task thoroughly. This includes discussing both views and providing a reasoned personal opinion.
task achievement
Aim to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively for the reader. Improve on providing a more in-depth exploration of the topic at hand.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will help to flesh out your essay and make your position more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: