IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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Millions of individuals around the globe are facing health problems
due to
Linking Words
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
 in their body weight. Physical classes can educate people on how to make their body fit and slim.
This
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 leads to
reduce
Wrong verb form
a reduction in
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illnesses. Certain humans believe that
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by introducing more physical education
lessons
Use synonyms
 in school. I think it is a good idea to do so which is inexpensive and effective. The
lessons
Use synonyms
 in school will be affordable for parents, especially those who can not spend extra money on expensive Gym. People need to be a member of
Gym
Correct article usage
the Gym
show examples
 in order to get
a better advice
Remove the article
better advice
a piece of better advice
a bit of better advice
show examples
,
what
Change preposition
on what
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need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be done in order to be healthy.
For instance
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,
lessons
Use synonyms
 in the classroom give a student a proper
diet
Use synonyms
plan
Use synonyms
along with
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the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 exercise
plan
Use synonyms
 on how one can learn without any extra charges. Not only it is cost-efficient but
also
Linking Words
 it is effective. The curriculum that includes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical education
lessons
Use synonyms
 can help students to make their bodies fit. It
benefits
Wrong verb form
has been beneficial
show examples
 for them since their childhood as what to eat and how to make their
diet
Use synonyms
 plans.
As a result
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, they
are get
Change the verb form
are getting
show examples
 rid of obesity.
For example
Linking Words
, the same
diet
Use synonyms
plan
Use synonyms
let
Wrong verb form
lets
show examples
 the applicants know which
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
causes
Verb problem
are
show examples
 overweight and which ones are healthy. In conclusion, physical education
lessons
Use synonyms
 taught in the school would be beneficial. They provide a proper
diet
Use synonyms
plan
Use synonyms
 for their health that benefits them over their whole life. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 there will be no
burder
Correct your spelling
border
burden
 on the health care system.
Submitted by rooma.rizwan on

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