IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People from cities go to university more often than those who live in the country. Some people think that the government should make it easier to enter universities for people who live outside of cities and towns by setting lower entry requirements and tuition fees.

#people #cities #university #country #government #universities #towns #entry #requirements #tuition #fees
The
Correct article usage
Education
show examples
education
 is essential in the life
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
. Some argue
say
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed countries have greater
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to go
university
Change preposition
to university
show examples
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
Although
Change preposition
Despite
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 financial demand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
to provide
Change preposition
in providing
show examples
education
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
for outside countries. In
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
 the capital
cities
 have numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
government
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 and plenty of private
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
as
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 will,
therefore
, extremely
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 students of
cities
 in order to greater flourish
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
 which helping increased
income
Correct article usage
the income
show examples
 of college.
Then
, In
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 there are awareness of
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of
education
 and they have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to pay for learning.
Thus
,
widespread
Correct article usage
the widespread
show examples
 of
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
to improve the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. which I believe how the
cities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 convenient and good environment. Despite the
significant
Replace the word
significance
show examples
 of
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 in big countries, there are
argue
Replace the word
arguments
show examples
 about
Correct article usage
the limitation
show examples
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
 of
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 in town first of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in small
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 have different
priority
Fix the agreement mistake
priorities
show examples
 in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 for clear that
, learn
Wrong verb form
learning about
show examples
 farming and caring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 are considered
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucial are help to achieving their aim.
In addition
, marriage has greater value than
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
university
, so, low-income people
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work and gain money more than
education
, which are
government
respect
Fix the agreement mistake
respects
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, even though, the educational system has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar requirement.
To conclude
, nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educating
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easier
over
Change preposition
than in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
, so, achieving the requirement is a responsible for personal, in my view I disagree with the
government
 variation even in
cities
 or
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 for
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, the
government
 has the same vision for
education
 everywhere for provide the facility.
Submitted by M on

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Structure
Your introduction does not clearly address the topic, nor does it provide a clear thesis statement. A coherent introduction sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
Logic
Work on logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and the following sentences should support that topic.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help with the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
You need to fully address the task given. Make sure you provide a balanced discussion, covering all parts of the task, and a clear opinion throughout the essay.
Development
Include more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your ideas and arguments. This helps the examiner understand your points better and can increase your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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