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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 and 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors to lakes, coasts and mountains in each country in Europe from 1987 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, all three
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 attractions have an increasing tendency during
twenty-year
Add an article
the twenty-year
show examples
 research period. The number of guests who visited the coast in 1987 decreased from 40000 to approximately 35000 by 1992.
However
Linking Words
, in the next 15
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the sum of tourists increased steadily and reached nearly 75000
foreigner
Change to a plural noun
foreigners
show examples
 by 2007. Looking through mountain data,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were only 20000 participants who took part in
trip
Correct article usage
a trip
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1987 and by 1997
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of tourists
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 constant
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2002. By 2007, there were a few new challengers
joined
Correct pronoun usage
who joined
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mountain trips and they were around 35000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, lake trips were not popular among
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two journeys. In 1987,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were just a few participants (10000 individuals) compared to the mountains and coasts.
However
Linking Words
, a lot of tourists
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
admired
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lakes in the next 15 years (1987-2002) and the sum of visitors increased
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
speedfully to about 75000 people. Despite
this
Linking Words
, between 2002 and 2007 the visitor statistics diminished to 50000 humans.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fluctuate
  • Significant
  • Trends
  • Comparative analysis
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Steady
  • Surge
  • Plummet
  • Consistency
  • Highlight
  • Reinforce
  • Data representation
  • Time frame
  • Subject matter
  • Overseas visitors
  • Tourism promotion
  • Transportation
  • Accommodation facilities
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