IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many cities today, most people live in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accommodation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#cities #people #apartment #blocks #accommodation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer living in
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of houses.
while
Linking Words
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 type of accommodation has some advantages and disadvantages, I believe that the advantages
are outweigh
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages. On the one side, Large
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
regularly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
are so small and there is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough space for home appliances.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it is impossible to find
location
Add an article
a location
the location
show examples
 for
side-by-side
Correct article usage
a side-by-side
show examples
 refrigerator in
40
Correct article usage
a 40
show examples
m house. Another problem of
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 being crowded and noisy. Findings revealed that
averagely
Change the word
average
show examples
 5
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every floor of large apartments in
new york city
Correct your spelling
New York City
show examples
. In these apartments, families have to sacrifice their privacy and cope with cultural differences. On the other side, living in large
blocks
Use synonyms
 could develop connections and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 us to get familiar with more
people
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 may have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to meet different humans with different positions and different abilities. Some
scientifical
Correct your spelling
scientific
show examples
 reports show that
people
Use synonyms
 in big
blocks
Use synonyms
 have 55% more chance to set up their own business after a
while
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is possible that
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
Smith is
neighbour
Correct article usage
a neighbour
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 FED’s chairman and gives his
recommnedation
Correct your spelling
recommendation
recommendations
 to get a big loan from banks. The second advantage is these kinds of accommodation are economically proper, especially for young couples who do not have considerable funds. They can live in
Use synonyms
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
the apartment
show examples
 for a
while
Linking Words
 until
raising
Wrong verb form
they raise
show examples
 funds and get a better and bigger house. In conclusion, as was told before,
while
Linking Words
 living in large
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some drawbacks and gains, I believe that the advantages of large apartments are more
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by hesam.kord.f on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow by improving paragraph transitions and maintaining topic focus. Establish clear connections between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen introductions and conclusions to better highlight your position and the essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with a mix of general statements and specific, illustrative examples to make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas, ensuring each is fully developed and addresses the task prompt completely. Be comprehensive while staying relevant to the topic. Include a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages before stating your position clearly.
task achievement
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express ideas more naturally and fluently. Avoid pronouns that lack clear antecedents, and be specific in your examples to support your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: