IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The population of the current world tend to think differently on a debit how beneficial the rail line and harbour
systemsare
Correct your spelling
systems
systems are
. A small number of groups think that ministries invest their budget in rail lines
instead
Linking Words
 of harbours. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. In the following parts, I will try to explain why I am a supporter of
this
Linking Words
 argument. First of all, transportation is the biggest issue so as to the lands ;
Therefore
Linking Words
 , Many various vehicles have been established. The category of tracks belongs to subways, trains and trams
as well as
Linking Words
 category of wharves includes trumps, buses and cars. The railway tools are more enviromentalist
due to
Linking Words
 the use of electricity
nonetheless
Linking Words
 the means of roads utilize fuel oil
along with
Linking Words
 diesel oil which is harmful to the sky. It is the air pollution that will make our breath worse.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, we can analyse it in some areas which are crowded and have a big problem with jams. South Korea is a commonly known sample of
this
Linking Words
 situation since they use cars more than undergrounds so they have had grey sky for years
furthermore
Linking Words
 they do not listen to the suggestions of experts .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Tracks are useful for trading. Especially the authorities which have important ports, fields and areas, emphasise how important a good infrastructure is for growing so as to the authorities.
In addition
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, many years ago the trains functioned with charcoals
together with
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 it was the reason for air pollution nowadays it seems to
lose
Wrong verb form
have lost
show examples
this
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 position. In conclusion, rail lines can flatly be seen to be better than wharves.
Thereafter
Linking Words
 governments try to work about that railways must cover all lands suitable for transport because of the reasons described afore.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure in your essay. Your writing should include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, each serving its clear purpose. Additionally, ideas should flow logically from one to another, often using linking words or phrases to help the reader see connections between points.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion. Both should unambiguously present the topic and your stance on it, and they should relate closely to each other to provide the reader with a strong opening and a decisive closing. Your introduction was somewhat unclear, and the conclusion should restate your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Back up your main points with clear examples or evidence. Your argument will be much stronger if you can provide specific instances, facts, or data that support your point of view. In this essay, the examples provided were not fully relevant or specific enough to bolster the arguments.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. You must provide a clear position throughout the response and adequately support your argument. While you took a clear stance, there were moments where your focus drifted, and some parts of the prompt were not addressed as fully as they could have been.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Aim to have each paragraph present a single clear idea and ensure that you explain this idea thoroughly. Make sure your writing can be easily followed and understood by the reader. In this essay, some ideas were not well developed or explained, making it difficult to follow your argument.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your argument. The inclusion of specific, real-world examples makes your essay more persuasive and informative. In this essay, more detailed and directly relevant examples are needed to effectively support your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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