IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018

The chart belows gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018
#belows #information #families #country #income
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The bar graph provides information about the weekly expenses of
families
Use synonyms
 in one country. The data compare figures of their weekly revenues to their daily necessities recorded between 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,in 1968,
food
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 consumption had the highest proportion among
families
Use synonyms
 spending their income every week in certain countries.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2018, most of the family spent their money on leisure activities. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that in both years, fuel and power had the lowest percentage of
families
Use synonyms
 allocated their weekly allowance. In detail, In 1968, every family spent the highest proportion of their weekly allowance on
food
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 items, accounting for 35%. Followed by housing
with
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at
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 10%, clothing and footwear
with
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at
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 10%, and leisure activities
with
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at
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 around 9%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, similar percentages were observed in household goods, personal goods, and transport, sharing 7.5% each, which is more than five times as much recorded in
food
Use synonyms
 items.Meanwhile, fuel and power are seen to be the least among
families
Use synonyms
, spending less from their weekly income. A different pattern can be observed in 2018, every family in the country allocated their weekly allowance for one week in leisure activities,
with
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apply
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around 22%, closely followed by housing
with
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at
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 approximately 18% and
food
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with
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at
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 roughly 17%, nearly followed by transport, accounting for around 14%.
whereas
Linking Words
 clothing accounts for exactly 5% and a similar proportion among personal goods, fuel and power contribute approximately 4%, which is the every family's spent less from their weekly income.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words families, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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