Many museums charge for the enteries while others are free? do you think the advantages of charging people for admission for museum outweigh disadvantages

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These days, many museums
charging
Wrong verb form
charge
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entery
Correct your spelling
entry
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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,
while
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some others
are still remain
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still remain
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for free. Different views can be seen from
this
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phenomenon. I believe,
by
Correct word choice
that by
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requiring a ticket, the advantages can actually
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweigh the disadvantages, which I will explain in
this
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essay.
Firstly
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, the most obvious disadvantage can be seen in the lower number of visitors.
This
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can caused by the ticket price, which
make
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makes
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people hesitate to enter the place. They tend to find another alternative,
such
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as a free exhibition, to spend their leisure
times
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time
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.
Other
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Another
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reason is,
visitors
Correct word choice
that visitors
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might feel those extra fees are not worth it, since they
expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
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more as they pay higher.
For instance
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, in a dinosaur museum, they would like to see a very high stack of the original dinosaur bones, which the place might not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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to provide and cause
dissapoinment
Correct your spelling
disappointment
.
However
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, those fees are actually necessary for the treatment of the museum. The more profit they get, the greater
improvements
Correct article usage
the improvements
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they can
serve
Verb problem
make
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.
For example
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, it can
offers
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offer
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cleaner environments and nice entertaining features.
Moreover
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, by paying for the admission, the public indirectly
help
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helps
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to boost the economy of their country.
For example
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, in my country,
everytime
Replace the word
every time
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we pay for the
entery
Correct your spelling
entry
, at least 10% of the price will contribute
in
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to
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the Gross Domestic
Products
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Product
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.
Overall
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, many benefits can be
gain
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gained
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from those charges, despite
of
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apply
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some negative impacts. The number of people coming might decrease,
as well as
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the profit. But, more advantages can be seen, so in conclusion, it does
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the disadvantages.
Submitted by vionaanjelia08 on

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task achievement
The introduction could be improved by directly addressing the question and providing a clearer overview of the essay's stance on the advantages and disadvantages of museums charging entry fees.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed and expanded with specific examples and clear arguments to better demonstrate task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of the essay by improving transitions between paragraphs and using cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Grammar mistakes, particularly verb tense consistency and article usage, need attention. Proofreading could greatly enhance the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion should not introduce new ideas ('number of people coming might decrease, as well as the profit'), but rather summarize and restate the writer's position on the topic.
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