IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph represents the percentage of visitors to England who experienced four different attractions in Brighton.

The line graph represents the percentage of visitors to England who experienced four different attractions in Brighton.
The diagram illustrates the percentage of four
attractions
Change the noun form
attraction
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 in Brighton, UK, in over 30
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Pavilon
Correct your spelling
Pavilion
 had the highest number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 20
years
Use synonyms
 compared to the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In 1980, Pier was the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
lowest part
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stood at 10% and fluctuated for 20
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it went up for the
last
Linking Words
 10
years
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 touched 20% of
visitors
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 Gallery made a hill, between 1980 and 1990,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
just
Change preposition
of just
show examples
 under 40%
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 it significantly
dive
Change the verb form
dives
show examples
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 the end of 2010.
Next,
Linking Words
the percentage of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 that went to
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
 dramatically
risen
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 for 15
years
Use synonyms
 and the peak of
Pavilion's
Correct article usage
the Pavilion's
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 reached almost 50% which was the highest number of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 from all of the
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, people that went to
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
 when visiting Britain
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased and stood at just under 30%
for along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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