Some people believe that a good teacher is more important for education success while others think the students attitude is more important to succeed in education. Discuss both views, and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts give information about different sources of
energy
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
USA
Correct article usage
the USA

Your article usage with the geographic name USA may be incorrect.

show examples
during the ten-year period
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is obvious that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
oil was the main source of
energy
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

the
Change preposition
for the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
whole period
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the least amount of
energy
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

was produced by hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The dominating source, oil, produced 42% of
whole
Correct article usage
the whole

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
energy
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for the USA in 1980 and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

index decreased to 33% over 10 years even though oil remained the leading source of
energy
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The second main resource in 1980 was natural gas and its indicator declined to 1% in 1990 from 26%.
In
Change preposition
As

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Correct article usage
a result

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
result
Add a comma
result,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In result. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
coal took its place with 27%.Hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and nuclear
power
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were equal in 1980 with
the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
index of 5%.
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
in
1990
Add a comma
1990,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However in 1990. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
nuclear
power
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

produced twice more
energy
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

produced the same amount of it. #sevara #day1

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the response is relevant to the task given. The essay provided does not address the topic of the importance of a good teacher versus the student's attitude in educational success. Instead, it discusses energy sources in the USA over a ten-year period, which indicates a misunderstanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
An IELTS essay should include an introduction that introduces the topic, at least two body paragraphs that develop main points with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. This structure helps in achieving coherence and cohesion. The provided essay lacks this structure and instead offers a brief description without any clear introduction or conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence refers to how well the essay sticks together and how clearly one point leads to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Cohesion refers to the use of cohesive devices like pronouns, conjunctions, and transitions to help the essay flow. This essay is considerably limited in its use of these elements, resulting in a disjointed piece of writing.
task achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas that directly respond to the essay question. Use examples and explanations to support your ideas, ensuring that these examples are relevant to the topic. In this example, the content presented is irrelevant to the posed essay question, and no specific examples directly related to the importance of teachers or students' attitudes are given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical role
  • effective instruction
  • mentorship
  • motivation
  • key determinant
  • academic success
  • teaching styles
  • positive learning environment
  • fosters student success
  • time management
  • resilience
  • academic challenges
  • crucial components
  • inadequate teaching
  • self-study
  • additional resources
  • persistence
  • ignite a passion for learning
  • shape a student's attitude
  • essential
What to do next:
Look at other essays: