IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people believe that a good teacher is more important for education success while others think the students attitude is more important to succeed in education. Discuss both views, and give your own opinion.

#people #teacher #education #success #students #attitude
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts give information about different sources of
energy
 for
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 during the ten-year period
Overall
, it is obvious that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oil was the main source of
energy
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 whole period
while
 the least amount of
energy
 was produced by hydroelectric
power
. The dominating source, oil, produced 42% of
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
energy
 for the USA in 1980 and
this
 index decreased to 33% over 10 years even though oil remained the leading source of
energy
. The second main resource in 1980 was natural gas and its indicator declined to 1% in 1990 from 26%.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 coal took its place with 27%.Hydroelectric
power
 and nuclear
power
 were equal in 1980 with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 index of 5%.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
1990
Add a comma
1990,
show examples
 nuclear
power
 produced twice more
energy
while
 hydroelectric
power
 produced the same amount of it. #sevara #day1
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the response is relevant to the task given. The essay provided does not address the topic of the importance of a good teacher versus the student's attitude in educational success. Instead, it discusses energy sources in the USA over a ten-year period, which indicates a misunderstanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
An IELTS essay should include an introduction that introduces the topic, at least two body paragraphs that develop main points with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion. This structure helps in achieving coherence and cohesion. The provided essay lacks this structure and instead offers a brief description without any clear introduction or conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence refers to how well the essay sticks together and how clearly one point leads to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Cohesion refers to the use of cohesive devices like pronouns, conjunctions, and transitions to help the essay flow. This essay is considerably limited in its use of these elements, resulting in a disjointed piece of writing.
task achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas that directly respond to the essay question. Use examples and explanations to support your ideas, ensuring that these examples are relevant to the topic. In this example, the content presented is irrelevant to the posed essay question, and no specific examples directly related to the importance of teachers or students' attitudes are given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical role
  • effective instruction
  • mentorship
  • motivation
  • key determinant
  • academic success
  • teaching styles
  • positive learning environment
  • fosters student success
  • time management
  • resilience
  • academic challenges
  • crucial components
  • inadequate teaching
  • self-study
  • additional resources
  • persistence
  • ignite a passion for learning
  • shape a student's attitude
  • essential
What to do next:
Look at other essays: