IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
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The bar chart compares how people of one specific country devote their weekly
salary
Use synonyms
 for different reasons in two different years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that families spent the highest per cent of their income on food consumption and recreation in 1968 and 2018, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the fuel and power category was the lowest amount in both years.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, the population of
this
Linking Words
 country spent 35% of their weekly
salary
Use synonyms
 eating in 1968.
Additionally
Linking Words
, each of the housing and clothing groups had 10% of expenditures. Anyhow these individuals spent almost 9% of their money on leisure and
then
Linking Words
 personal stuff, household goods and transport took the same amount by 8% in 1968.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they considered leisure, housing and food as the biggest shares of their
salary
Use synonyms
 by almost 23%, 19%, and 17%, respectively in 2018. Interestingly, transport, housing and leisure costs increased as compared to the year 1968.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, fuel and power, personal goods and clothing expenditures were reduced somehow and household goods had the same percentage of their
salary
Use synonyms
 in both years.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salary with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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