What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching television ?

Nowadays ,because of developing electronics ,most people especially
children
spend their time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching .For many parents allowing to watch
television
to their
children
its
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
chance
for avoiding
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to avoid
show examples
spending too much time
on
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with
show examples
their
children
.It will play good and
also
bad roles in their life.So I will discuss
advantages
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the advantages
show examples
and disadvantages of watching
television
. Let`s begin by looking at the disadvantages of watching
television
.On the main
negatives
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negative
show examples
of watching
television
is you, can not control control clips(films,
cartoon
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cartoons
show examples
)which
broadcasting
Wrong verb form
broadcasted
show examples
from
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on
show examples
television
.
Every thing
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Everything
show examples
which
broadcasting
Wrong verb form
broadcast
show examples
from
television
can
effect
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affect
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
children
`s
brain
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brains
show examples
.That can kindle bad ideas in their mind . It can damage their upbringing and behaviours .
For example
,my uncle`s son (my cousin,who is 9 years old) .He became interested in broadcastings about catching and preventing terrorism,
extremism
Correct word choice
and extremism
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,generally speaking in aggressive broadcasts . After
week
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a week
show examples
watching
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of watching
show examples
that my cousin became more aggressive.He started to
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not do things that
says
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said
show examples
father and
answering
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answered
show examples
with insults which was
reason
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the reason
show examples
of
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for
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
his
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limitation on watching
television
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
that decision was sensible
,
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apply
show examples
because my cousin is changed . Turning to the other side of the argument ,I can not say it definitely that watching
television
is bad .It is up to only themselves .
Children
can take useful information from
television
.
Children
can be informed about Africa`s animals or about plants
and
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apply
show examples
etc. Taking myself as an example,in 2016 when I was 7 .I started watching anime series which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
broadcasting
Wrong verb form
broadcast
show examples
every day
in
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on
show examples
television
in
russian
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Russian
show examples
even
I
Correct word choice
though I
show examples
did not understand, I continued watching . After 2 years
continually
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of continually
show examples
watching I started not only
understand
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understanding
show examples
and
Correct word choice
but
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also
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
show examples
in
this
language even
I
Correct word choice
though I
show examples
did
no
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not
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use any vocabulary . In conclusion ,considering all sides of watching
television
,I believe that watching
television
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not harmful to
children
if you can choose
correct
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the correct
show examples
broadcast or channel
to
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for
show examples
your child.I think watching
television
can improve
children
`s knowledge about
whole
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the whole
show examples
world which is quite useful for all
children
Submitted by javohirforwork on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear, logical structure, making it difficult to follow your argument. Consider using a more structured approach with clear paragraphs that each address a separate point. Make sure you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Conclude with a summary of your main points and a restatement of your position.
task achievement
While you discussed the topic, there is room for improvement in presenting a completely developed response. Expand on your ideas and make sure that you fully address the task by providing a balanced discussion of both sides.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are not consistently clear or comprehensive. Work on developing your points more thoroughly and provide clear reasoning to support each one.
task achievement
You provided examples, but they need to be more relevant and specific to strongly support your main points. Use examples that are directly connected to the argument you're making, and explore them in depth to illustrate your points effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engaging
  • linguistic skills
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • distort
  • optimizing
  • debate
  • implications
  • viewing habits
  • parental guidance
  • educational programs
  • screen time
  • stereotypes
  • unhealthy behaviors
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