What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching television ?
Nowadays ,because of developing electronics ,most people especially limitation on watching
children
spend their time with
watching .For many parents allowing to watch Change preposition
apply
television
to their children
its good
chance Correct article usage
a good
for avoiding
spending too much time Change preposition
to avoid
on
their Change preposition
with
children
.It will play good and also
bad roles in their life.So I will discuss advantages
and disadvantages of watching Correct article usage
the advantages
television
.
Let`s begin by looking at the disadvantages of watching television
.On the main negatives
of watching Fix the agreement mistake
negative
television
is you, can not control control clips(films,cartoon
)which Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
broadcasting
Wrong verb form
broadcasted
from
Change preposition
on
television
.Every thing
which Correct your spelling
Everything
broadcasting
from Wrong verb form
broadcast
television
can effect
Correct your spelling
affect
to
Change preposition
apply
children
`s brain
.That can kindle bad ideas in their mind . It can damage their upbringing and behaviours . Fix the agreement mistake
brains
For example
,my uncle`s son (my cousin,who is 9 years old) .He became interested in broadcastings about catching and preventing terrorism,extremism
,generally speaking in aggressive broadcasts . After Correct word choice
and extremism
week
Add an article
a week
watching
that my cousin became more aggressive.He started to Change preposition
of watching
did
not do things that Unnecessary verb
apply
says
father and Wrong verb form
said
answering
with insults which was Wrong verb form
answered
reason
Add an article
the reason
of
Change preposition
for
Correct pronoun usage
his
television
.However
that decision was sensible Add a comma
However,
,
because my cousin is changed .
Turning to the other side of the argument ,I can not say it definitely that watching Remove the comma
apply
television
is bad .It is up to only themselves .Children
can take useful information from television
.Children
can be informed about Africa`s animals or about plants and
etc. Taking myself as an example,in 2016 when I was 7 .I started watching anime series which Correct word choice
apply
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
broadcasting
every dayWrong verb form
broadcast
in
Change preposition
on
television
in russian
evenChange the capitalization
Russian
I
did not understand, I continued watching . After 2 years Correct word choice
though I
continually
watching I started not only Change preposition
of continually
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
and
Correct word choice
but
also
speak
in Wrong verb form
speaking
this
language even I
did Correct word choice
though I
no
use any vocabulary .
In conclusion ,considering all sides of watching Correct your spelling
not
television
,I believe that watching television
it
is not harmful to Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
if you can choose correct
broadcast or channelCorrect article usage
the correct
to
your child.I think watching Change preposition
for
television
can improve children
`s knowledge about whole
world which is quite useful for all Change the article
the whole
children
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear, logical structure, making it difficult to follow your argument. Consider using a more structured approach with clear paragraphs that each address a separate point. Make sure you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Conclude with a summary of your main points and a restatement of your position.
task achievement
While you discussed the topic, there is room for improvement in presenting a completely developed response. Expand on your ideas and make sure that you fully address the task by providing a balanced discussion of both sides.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are not consistently clear or comprehensive. Work on developing your points more thoroughly and provide clear reasoning to support each one.
task achievement
You provided examples, but they need to be more relevant and specific to strongly support your main points. Use examples that are directly connected to the argument you're making, and explore them in depth to illustrate your points effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite