Some people have been in prison become good citizens later. Some say that these are the best people to talk to school students about the danger of commiting a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is true that after being released from prison, some prisoners show rehabilitation, which results in the belief that they are ideal candidates to talk about
danger
of law violation. From my perspective, with proper caution and assessment from the government, they should be encouraged to take Add an article
the danger
the
responsibility.
There are a variety of compelling reasons why Correct article usage
apply
ex-prisoners'
involvement should be supported in deterring Correct your spelling
ex-prisoners
youngsters
from illegal activities. One primary reasons
is that ex-offenders have adequate knowledge about the consequences of breaking the rules. They know the best about the results of Change to a singular noun
reason
offenses
, the harsh Change the spelling
offences
of
punishments and the feeling in Change preposition
apply
the
prison. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, it is realistic when they share their experience to
Change preposition
with
students
. Moreover
, ex-prisoners can eliminate false belief
in Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
youngster
. Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
Due to
the misleading figures in some films about criminals
, some youngsters
worship them and consider them as a beacon of their life. The rehabilitated offenders can show the deluded students
the reality
and they act better as a deterrent against crimes than teachers
and Change noun form
teachers'
teacher's
parents'
guidance.
Correct your spelling
parents
However
, many aspects need considering
when allowing ex-convicts to have Wrong verb form
considered
the
speeches at school. Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, there is no guarantee that ex-offenders are totally rehabilitated in the prison. Some studies have shown that many criminals
tend to reoffend
when coming back to society since they lack money and relationship or they have not Correct your spelling
re-offend
satisfied
with Add a missing verb
been satisfied
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
crime
yetFix the agreement mistake
crimes
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Hence
allowing ex-prisoners to go in
the school may put Change preposition
into
students
at risks
of being attacked. Fix the agreement mistake
risk
Secondly
, there are many kind
of people Change to a plural noun
kinds
deserve
to have a speech with Correct pronoun usage
who deserve
youngsters
about the consequences when threatening the rules, police officers who directly fight against criminals
can inspire students
with a sense of justice and self-protection from criminals
. Moreover
, social workers who work with criminals'
victims can trigger sympathy and hatred toward crime.
In conclusion, despite Fix the agreement mistake
criminal'
of
the uncertainty of recidivists and people who might deter Change preposition
apply
student
from violating the regulations Fix the agreement mistake
students
besides
ex-convicts, rehabilitated prisoners should have conversations because of seasoned experience and breaking wrong belief
about Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
criminals
among youngsters
.Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which is good for coherence. However, there is potential for improved cohesion by using more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, check the essay for repetition, as using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can enhance the readability of the text. Aim for concise and clear sentences that convey your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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