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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart below illustrates the number of men and women participating in
further
Linking Words
 study over a
30 year
Add a hyphen
30-year
show examples
 period and whether
this
Linking Words
 was
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 or
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 education.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of both males and females were in
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 education compared to full-
time
Use synonyms
. Generally, the number of men in part-
time
Use synonyms
 study was more than the women. When analyzing the trend for part-
time
Use synonyms
 study, looking at the males, the highest figure was 1000 students in 1970. Over the
time
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 dropped slightly to 900 before increasing to around 950 pupils in 1990. Interestingly, the females had the opposite trend. In 1970 there were 700 students,
this
Linking Words
 increased slightly before there was a dramatic rise to around 1100 in 1990.
This
Linking Words
 statistic is the highest figure for both genders.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for full-
time
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
 the numbers are significantly lower than that
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 part-
time
Use synonyms
. For the boys, the statistic doubles over the 30 years to end up with 200 students. The lowest number belongs to the women of the group in 1970, which are around 10. Over the next 20
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 there is a large increase with the statistic respectively being 190 and 210.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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