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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, face-to-face
communication
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are replace
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are replaced
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 by online
communication
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with
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apply
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using social
media
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such
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 as Facebook, and Twitter. In my opinion,
this
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 situation is more
disadvantages
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disadvantageous
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 to people’s daily lives because of the following reasons. In terms of the advantages, social networking may be beneficial for people to maintain contact and assist in business work. One advantage of social
media
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 is that it can connect people with each other.
For example
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, overseas students can stay in touch with their relatives and friends through the video call features of Facebook or various other apps. Another benefit of social networking platforms is that
it
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they
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 can become a supporting tool in business. Companies can update their customers about new products or promotions by posting these
campaign
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campaigns
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 on social
media
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,
this
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 allows clients
capture
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to capture
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 information quickly and reach a large of people. It
also
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 helps businesses save time and money.
However
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,
in addition
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 to these advantages, social
media
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 has potential drawbacks to people’s mental and physical health. One downside of using social
media
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 is that it can replace direct contact,
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this
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which
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 leads to isolation and depression.
Furthermore
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, social network addicts can have a negative impact on their studies, work performance, and personal relationships. Another disadvantage is that it can
contains
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contain
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 harmful content,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 incorrect
informations
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information
pieces of information
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, violence and abuse. So the use of social networks for
communication
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 must be more
carefully
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careful
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. In conclusion, it is apparent that social
media
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 offers more disadvantages
thana
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than
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 advantages.
Therefore
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, care should be taken when using it for
communication
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.

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task achievement
While your essay answers the prompt, it's important to deepen the elaboration of your ideas. Providing more detailed explanations and examples would improve your score in this area.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates basic coherence and cohesion but to score higher, strive to vary your linking words and phrases. Review transitions and organize your ideas more effectively to enhance the flow of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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