Many manufactured food and drink contains high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Many people are suffering from the harmful effects of processed food and drink containing high amounts of sugar. Some believe that there should be a rise in the price of these products in order to discourage families from purchasing them. I totally disagree with
this
approach as it will have negative consequences.
In my opinion, the price couldn't be the only deterrent to buying sugary foods. We can see that lots of people choose to eat chocolates or drink soda to have happy times during the day. Scientists have Linking Words
also
proved that the addiction to Linking Words
carbohydrate
can be stronger than any other drug, so it would be difficult for some individuals to quit eating sugary meals even if they have financial problems. Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
Furthermore
, not all sugar-incorporated foods are risky, like bread, fruit juices etc. Linking Words
Thus
, increasing the prices would negatively affect the lives of poor families since they could not afford to provide the necessary nutrients.
I believe the government can opt for other alternatives for reducing the hazards of sweet meals. They can increase the awareness of the public by running health-related campaigns, Linking Words
for example
, Monday without Sugar, or a sugar-free month. Linking Words
As a result
, everyone would be motivated to take constructive action regarding her/his health. Linking Words
On the other hand
, health agencies should push manufacturers to produce sugar-free products or at least to make their users aware of unhealthy ingredients of an item before making the purchase.
In conclusion, consuming too much sugar is proven to be a high risk to our bodies and some people suggest that by leveraging on the price they can control its usage. By opposing Linking Words
this
idea, I provided some useful strategies that address the root cause of the issue which could have long-term impacts.Linking Words
Submitted by ziba.gharehnazifam on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed and supported. It seems that some of the points made could be elaborated on with more detail and development. An examiner would be looking for a fully expanded argument with clear supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
While introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened. Make sure that your introduction clearly states the question and your position. In the conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your opinion in a concise way, ensuring that it is in line with what you have said throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the task, but more focus on the question prompt is necessary. Your position on pricing strategies is stated, but the essay would benefit from clearer development of this position and relevant examples. Address the question directly throughout the essay, and make sure examples are specific and directly linked to your argument.