IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

#people #media #networks* #fall #career #development #opportunities #prediction
Nowadays by expanding the Internet, individuals are facing many new social
media
. Using these facilities has benefits and drawbacks. Social
media
 are being designed
according to
 attractive features for humans like easy to use with specific colours. Compared to the
last
 decade, the creators try to make comprehensive applications to overcome every aspect of individual needs including entertainment, advertising, communication, and work.
In addition
, they use conclusions from psychological surveys to increase the attractive features of their products. Being familiar with online applications has become one of the most important issues in the modern human lifestyle. Their attractive features cause
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 to spend a lot of time on
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.
This
 is the beginning of many mental and physical problems that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to cope with. These pressures come from many famous companies. On the one hand, companies are using networks to introduce their activities that are accessible at every moment of the day and
on the other hand
, smartphones and applications with new attractions are designed to sell more than before. In fact and unfortunately, individuals cannot follow their interests without any force by using mental tricks developers are using. In
this
 case, following specific social
media
 topics became an important activity for people to be aware of new findings and get information for new opportunities.
In addition
, some social networks are introduced as a necessary tool by many companies causing people forced to install them.
To sum up
, knowledge about using social
media
 networks has become one of the main skills that everybody must have for developing careers.
Submitted by h.dibabiotech on

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, the body should contain distinct paragraphs each covering a single main point with examples, and your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically. You should have a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay, with each paragraph flowing naturally to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help link your ideas.
task achievement
Address the task fully. Make sure your response answers all parts of the question and your position is clear. Provide a balanced discussion with appropriate expansion of your main points, supported by relevant examples.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be more clearly developed and comprehensive. Include more elaboration and detail to give a fuller response to the task question. Avoid vague statements that don't contribute to your argument and ensure clarity in your reasoning and examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Networking
  • Professional growth
  • Digital footprint
  • LinkedIn
  • Online presence
  • Industry trends
  • Personal branding
  • Digital literacy
  • Direct applications
  • Privacy concerns
  • Professional image
  • Career trajectory
  • Social media platforms
  • Traditional networking
  • Information accessibility
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