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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in additon to English, in 2000 and 2010.

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in additon to English, in 2000 and 2010.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #additon #english
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The pie charts illustrate how much percentage of British
students
Use synonyms
 of one university had
Correct article usage
the abiltiy
show examples
abiltiy
Correct your spelling
ability
 to speak other
languages
Use synonyms
 apart from English in England in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of
students
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 who spoke additional
languages
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 went up by 2010, with Spanish being
Correct article usage
the most
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most
Correct article usage
the most
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 commonly spoken in both
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years
Use synonyms
. The
students
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 who spoke Spanish apart from English accounted for the major portions in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 2000 and 2010, at 30% and 35% respectively. The
British
Correct quantifier usage
number of British
show examples
students
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 who spoke additional
languages
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 increased from 15% to 20 % in 10
years
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the portion of
students
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 who spoke two other
languages
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 increased to 5% in 2010. The percentage of
students
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 who only knew English in 2000 was 20 which declined by half in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
graduates
Correct quantifier usage
number of graduates
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 who
also
Linking Words
 spoke French decreased from 15% in 2000 to 10% in 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
portion
Correct your spelling
the proportion
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 of
German speaking
Add a hyphen
German-speaking
show examples
students
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 in
Correct article usage
the university
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university
Capitalize word
University
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 of England remained unchanged in
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 10
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by agarwal.bhavi07 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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