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Band 5

17. Some people think that a persons improve their intellectual skills more when doing a group activity. To what extend do you agree.

#people #persons #skills #group #activity
In some perspectives, individuals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
benefit from group activities, whilst
such
 events provoke various advantages for the acquisition of
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
, I could only partially agree with
such
 opinions
due to
 a few drawbacks which will be discussed in
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
 article. On the one hand, it is inevitable that interacting with
others
 could improve
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 intellectual skills, including
stimulate
Wrong verb form
stimulating
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking
as well as
expand
Wrong verb form
expanding
show examples
 one's horizons. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 evidence
indicate
Wrong verb form
indicating
show examples
 that students have better improvements when they have
disagreement
Add an article
a disagreement
show examples
 with
others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since it could encourage them to see
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different angles.
Moreover
, interacting with people who have different background allow them to experience various thoughts formed by different cultures which helps them to have better academic performance.
On the other hand
, there is
Correct article usage
a downsid
show examples
downsid
Correct your spelling
downside
downsides
 that should not be overlooked,
such
 as only the minority who are able to play essential roles in the teams, which is to say, they have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 chance to improve
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
 capacities with the experience of handling difficult
tasks
,
while
others
 can only implement simple
tasks
.
For instance
, when doing group
presentation
Fix the agreement mistake
presentations
show examples
, despite it requires
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 are more likely to
assigned
Wrong verb form
assign
show examples
 crucial
tasks
 to the same people for their outstanding performance at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, and
others
 could only cope with simple work, which could barely help them to improve their
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
. To summarize, it is true that there are various positive effects derived from
group-activities
Correct your spelling
group activities
show examples
 that could enhance their intellectual,
however
, I personally could only partially agree with them since there are some disadvantages that allow only a few people
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
show examples
 their smartness in the groups
due to
 uneven assignment of
tasks
.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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