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Band 5.5

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time.What problems can this situation create?What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #life #time #situation
People are doing too much struggle to become successful in their
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 to give a bright future and luxurious life to their families. They
also
 try to maintain the balance between their professional and personal life and to maintain
this
 balance they have to face some hidden issues.In
this
 essay, I will explain some issues that can be created by
this
 situation
as well as
 some steps which can be taken to prevent
this
 type of predicament. First of all, Many people are facing the issue of lack of sleep and lack of rest in their lifestyle as they are doing too many activities to make their career
as well as
 giving proper
time
 to their families and they have no
time
 left for themselves which can lead to obesity, insomnia and diabetes etc.
In addition
 to
this
, the business and family demands more and more effort which cause a lot of stress and can lead to
problem
Change the noun form
problems
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 like depression and anxiety.
For instance
, Ruby Khan who was at the top of her career in India is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
depressed
due to
 too much stress.
Nevertheless
, there are many strategies that can prevent potential threats and can be the possible solution to the problems.The only way to keep going forward in the face of challenges and adversity is to maintain a healthy balance in one's life. A balanced existence should be the starting point for success,
according to
 a lot of prosperous businesspeople.
Moreover
, achieving multiple goals at one
time
 will be difficult for the person, so the individual should prioritise the
overall
 goals ideals and aspirations first
this
 approach can accelerate a person toward their dreams. In conclusion, for happiness maintaining a proper equity between success and family is good but giving adequate
time
 is
also
 important.
Submitted by sirat on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Make use of a variety of linking words and phrases to indicate the relationships between ideas and to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
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task achievement
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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