In today ‘s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work while some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents ‘ absence. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is no denying the fact that nowadays, both
parents
are as
working Change preposition
apply
parents
in many families. Some think that this
trend provides multifarious benefits
to children
who are from both parents
are working, while
others opine that infants suffer of
Change preposition
from
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
due to
their parents'
absence. I agree with a former opinion and Correct your spelling
parent's
this
essay shall discuss it briefly for the following reasons.
On the one hand, children
can get multifarious benefits
from an extra income by
their mothers and father's work Change preposition
from
such
as they can get a better education, healthcare and higher education. For example
, toddlers from working family, and they can study well as
compared to non-working Change preposition
apply
family's
Change noun form
families
children
because parents
have enough money to send their kids to tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
class
to enhance their academic performance. To be more precise, Fix the agreement mistake
classes
children
can obtain more good qualities from their employed parents
like hardwork
, time management and Correct your spelling
hard work
multitask
skillsChange the form of the verb
multitasking
too
, and Rephrase
apply
that
minors may adhere Correct word choice
apply
these
qualities in future, and Change preposition
to these
as a result
, their future is secured. Therefore
, I agree with this
trend that minors can obtain many benefits
from their working parents
get
an extra income.
Correct word choice
and get
On the other hand
, toddlers may feel lonely due to
their mothers and fathers are
absence. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
can lead to affecting
the child mentally and emotionally because a child Wrong verb form
affect
need
to Change the verb form
needs
be pamper
and Change the verb form
be pampered
take
care Wrong verb form
taken
by
Change preposition
of by
their
any one of Correct pronoun usage
apply
parents
whether father or mother. Correct article usage
the parents
For instance
, in western
Capitalize word
Western
nations
most Add a comma
nations,
of
families Change preposition
apply
are worked in
Wrong verb form
work
a
Correct article usage
apply
full time
, and their kids Add a hyphen
full-time
are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
by
loneliness and homesickness because they need their Change preposition
from
parents
care Change noun form
parent's
parents'
as
a whole day. Change preposition
for
In other words
, when parents
are being
Unnecessary verb
apply
absence
Replace the word
absent
while
kids might Correct word choice
apply
be followed
some indulged behaviours namely smoking.
Wrong verb form
follow
To conclude
, although
dual earnings that
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
be supported
Wrong verb form
support
to
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
adolescent
by Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
get
better Wrong verb form
getting
eduaction
and healthcare facilities, Correct your spelling
education
child
may be affected Fix the agreement mistake
children
by
emotionally and mentally Change preposition
apply
as well
as
they may adhere Correct word choice
and
bad
behaviours Change preposition
to bad
too
when their Rephrase
apply
parents
to go out
work. Change preposition
apply
Nevertheless
, I agree with
that the adolescent obtain more Change preposition
apply
benefits
from their parent's additional income.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
While you presented an argument, the organization and logical development of the essay could be improved significantly. Ideas should flow naturally from one to the next with appropriate linking words and clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
You effectively included both an introduction and a conclusion, which is good, but it would enhance the quality of your essay to tighten up the connection between these sections, ensuring that the conclusion accurately reflects the content and stance of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Some main points were supported, but the support given was often vague or lacking depth. Try to use more specific and varied examples, and ensure that explanations are fully developed to make a strong case.
task achievement
You addressed the task, but the response was not completely developed. Make sure to fully engage with all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced discussion that systematically explores the issues at hand with depth and reasoning.
task achievement
Your ideas were relevant but not always expressed clearly or comprehensively. Work on sharpening your arguments and ensuring they are well understood. Clear and direct language can aid in this endeavor, avoiding overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
task achievement
The examples used were relevant, but they could be more specific and detailed. Including concrete examples from real-life situations or citing sources could strengthen the essay significantly.
