IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

he table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

he table shows the percentage of people with mobile phones who use various features on their phone between 2006 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #phones #features #phone #summarise #information #comparisons
The table shows data about
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of individuals
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
according to
 their various features from 2006 to 2010.
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
af
Correct your spelling
of
 all, we can see increasing
patten
Correct your spelling
pattern
show examples
 using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every tool
exept
Correct your spelling
except
 playing games and making calls which each
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 non-significant just 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the table shows the least statistical increase of people
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 their phones for recording videos than other features,
while
 taking
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
show examples
 has become a popular activity.
Between
Change preposition
Among
show examples
 mentioned activities, playing games has the most influence on
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 from 12 to 41
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 during the years. Less grow up belongs to playing music which just had 14
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
To sum up
, regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 rate,
using
Wrong verb form
the use
show examples
 of all
features
Correct article usage
the features
show examples
 that are mentioned in
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
have been growed
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2006 to 2010.
Submitted by h.dibabiotech on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: