IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
It is true that the main goal of
science
 should be to improve human lives. The existence of
science
 is supported by expert researchers who actively do research to encourage people’s well-being. I strongly pro with
this
 phenomenon and I will highlight my point of view
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the following paragraph. First and foremost, in the field of health,
scientists
 have developed particular vaccines to increase
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 immune system.
For instance
, during the COVID-19 pandemic era people are anxious about their life whether they were able to fight or they would die
due to
 the effect of that virus effect. Fortunately,
scientists
 promoted
Correct article usage
the moderna
show examples
moderna
Change the capitalization
Moderna
show examples
 vaccine to make
Correct article usage
the human’s
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 body become resistant to COVID-19.
This
chance
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
 proves that
science
 is essential to protect people’s lives.
Secondly
, there are some new diseases that have been
founded
Verb problem
found
show examples
 presently across the world.
Therefore
,
science
 holds
prominent
Correct article usage
a prominent
show examples
 role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicines
Fix the agreement mistake
medicine
show examples
 development in order to cure people who are infected by
that
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 unfamiliar illness.
On the other hand
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
contiguous diseases do not become a threat to individuals since
scientists
 have developed better drugs to prevent the spread of those diseases.
For example
,
Tuberculosis
Correct article usage
the Tuberculosis
show examples
 virus has been a threat to many people around the world, luckily
this
 virus can be treated by consuming particular medicine
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
created by
scientists
. In conclusion, I absolutely agree that
science
 plays a big role responsibility to support human well-being as through its result of research is highly likely to become a protection for
Correct article usage
the publics
show examples
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
 around the world.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Some information seems repetitive or slightly off-topic, which affects the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion, each serving its purpose. The introduction should more effectively paraphrase the prompt and present a clear thesis statement, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the points made without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with a varied range of structures and vocabulary. Some points could be better developed with more concrete examples and clearer explanations to reinforce the argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay does a basic job of agreeing with the statement but could benefit from a more nuanced approach and discussion of potential counterarguments to strengthen the position.
task achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas and concepts when developing arguments. Strive for more depth and complexity in discussing ideas to show a thorough understanding of the topic and ensure the position is well-argued.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support points made. Consider incorporating more detailed and varied evidence to substantiate arguments made throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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