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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the year 1990 and 2010.

The chart below gives information about on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the year 1990 and 2010.
#information #percentage #british #people #money #charity #age #range #year
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The bar chart illustrates the information about
howmuch
Correct your spelling
how much
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
to
Add a missing verb
was to
show examples
 donate for
charity
Use synonyms
 in the UK people by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of people in two different periods in 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
above
Correct pronoun usage
those above
show examples
thirty
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 five
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of the
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 population were more interested
to donate
Change preposition
in donating
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults. The graph shows that there was a high
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 was provided by the 36-50
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 in 1990
while
Linking Words
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
 to 25
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 adults
were gave
Change the verb form
were given
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 low
amount
Use synonyms
 as donation, at around 43% and around 17% respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, people from 51- 65, it
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the second largest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
donated to
charity
Use synonyms
, which was 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 sixty and 18-25
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
donated cash almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
, for accounted 32 per cent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2010, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 51 to 65 was provided
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 largest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
 to 25
age
Use synonyms
 public was the least
amount
Use synonyms
gave
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity
Use synonyms
 in
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
, at around 38 and 6 per cent respectively. there was a same
amount
Use synonyms
 was spent by the two
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of folks
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
above sixty and 36 to 50, for accounted 35%. Around 31 percent of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent by the 26-35
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, money, charity, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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