IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#numbers #adults #sports #area #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people who used to attend
sports
 events in 1997 and 2017. The graph gives information about 7 different types of
sports
 activities. The figures show that the main type of
sports
 events didn't change.
On the other hand
, the less popular
sports
 area is different in 1997 and 2017. The most popular
sports
 activity for
adults
 is similar in both years. Gentle walking
presented
Add a missing verb
was presented
show examples
witn
Correct your spelling
with
within
 50
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of
adults
 in 1997 and about 55 thousand in 2017. As for participating in jogging and gym, the
number
 of people
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 consistent through the years.
Otherwise
, attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 as football and hiking
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 in 2017. The
number
 of participants
grows
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 from about 30-35
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1997 to over 45
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 2017.
Additionally
, the minimum of
adults
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 presented for basketball in 1997, but in 2017 it
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to more than 20
thousands
. To summarise, the graph demonstrates a slight change in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
adults
 participating in
sports
 events.
Overall
, there are two main changes
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the year. The
number
 of people attending popular
sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 didn't change a lot.
On the other hand
, the
number
 of basketball players
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 in 2017.
Submitted by nadin45681 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, adults, thousands, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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