IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#numbers #adults #sports #area #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people who used to attend
sports
Use synonyms
 events in 1997 and 2017. The graph gives information about 7 different types of
sports
Use synonyms
 activities. The figures show that the main type of
sports
Use synonyms
 events didn't change.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the less popular
sports
Use synonyms
 area is different in 1997 and 2017. The most popular
sports
Use synonyms
 activity for
adults
Use synonyms
 is similar in both years. Gentle walking
presented
Add a missing verb
was presented
show examples
witn
Correct your spelling
with
within
 50
Use synonyms
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 in 1997 and about 55 thousand in 2017. As for participating in jogging and gym, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 consistent through the years.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 as football and hiking
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 in 2017. The
number
Use synonyms
 of participants
grows
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 from about 30-35
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1997 to over 45
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 2017.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the minimum of
adults
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 presented for basketball in 1997, but in 2017 it
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to more than 20
thousands
Use synonyms
. To summarise, the graph demonstrates a slight change in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 participating in
sports
Use synonyms
 events.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are two main changes
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the year. The
number
Use synonyms
 of people attending popular
sports
Use synonyms
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 didn't change a lot.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of basketball players
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 in 2017.
Submitted by nadin45681 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, adults, thousands, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • adult demographic
  • comparison
  • percent change
  • significant increase/decrease
  • trend analysis
  • sports popularity
  • ranking changes
  • general patterns
  • social factors
  • 20-year period
  • time span
  • major sports
  • data interpretation
  • highlight features
What to do next:
Look at other essays: