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Band 4

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city? How can government make urban life better for everyone?

#people #cities #search #life #city #difficulties #government
In recent days, I
consider
Wrong verb form
have considered
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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the cities
are like
Wrong verb form
to be
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 a place of opportunity.
As well as
 earning a living has become much more difficult.
Although
 there are some drawbacks
of
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to
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 migrating to cities, the government could do to ensure the urban condition for citizens. There are several reasons why people who settle in a city have to face many obstacles.
Firstly
, because the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in a small town or village
as
Correct word choice
apply
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citizens have to pay more for transport, housing, or even food.
Secondly
,
due to
 the increase in population, cities are witnessing higher levels of social evils,
such
 as crime and poverty, day after day.
Moreover
, migration occurs at the expense of the environment, especially air pollution.
Due to
 contamination
such
 as machine handling, traffic and debris, urban life can be unhealthy and stressful.
On the other hand
, the government should take steps to measure these problems to ensure that people have the chance to enjoy a better life
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Firstly
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 could invest money in the building of affordable or social housing to reduce the cost of living.
Secondly
, building good schools and providing universities with good professors in different domains. Entertainment is really important for the young population to relax and regain their strength.
Then
, facilitate their travelling by building good roads and providing means of transportation
as well as
 job opportunities and shops.
To conclude
, migrating brings a lot of
extremely difficult
Replace the word
extreme difficulties
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 to the metropolis either material or immaterial aspects.
However
, governments could implement various
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
 to tackle these problems.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear response to the task with a concise thesis statement. Introduce both aspects of the question (problems and solutions) to set the context.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs further with more detailed examples and explanations. Include both general ideas and specific, relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically. Use linking words effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs, ensuring the ideas flow naturally from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all paragraphs are well-structured with a clear main idea, supported by appropriate explanations, examples, and conclusions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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