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Band 5.5

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factor in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute toward happiness?

#people #money #factor #happiness #factors
It is believed that being rich plays a vital role in happiness.
This
 feeling can
also
 stem from some other factors.
However
, I completely agree with the former argument. On the one hand, money is the keystone of happiness feeling .
That is
, having enough money, people can benefit from a higher standard of living .Take utilising more recreational facilities, which can lift individuals' spirits as an example. In doing so, people can retreat from the overload of the modern lifestyle and have better mental strength, which can generally have a positive effect on their life and their productivity at work.
On the other hand
, some other elements can help the masses feel happy.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 being healthy, having a good relationship, and having children.
For example
, when some people find themselves healthy, they feel they are wealthy so they are happy, and they might be of the opinion that there is no point in the other aspects of life like wealth .To put it differently, the more they enjoy physical and mental well-being, the happier they are and may ignore other meanings of
this
 feeling ,
consequently
 they place a high value on their fitness. In conclusion,
although
 money is not the only factor that can contribute to feeling happy, I strongly believe that financial security can influence all aspects of our lives and add many benefits to everyone's lives
for instance
, enjoying more of our lives.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. Avoid overly broad statements and make sure to directly address the question being asked.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your main points. You can incorporate personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using a variety of connective words and phrases to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs cohesively. This will help the reader to better understand the progression of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay with a summary of your main points and a restatement of your position. Make sure that the conclusion is consistent with what has been discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point thoroughly, ensuring that the reader is left with no ambiguities regarding your stance and the reasoning behind it. Elaborate more on how and why your mentioned factors contribute to happiness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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