IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
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Living in a different nation where individuals have to speak and learn a foreign
language
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 can
sometime
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sometimes
show examples
 be challenging and can bring some social setbacks and cultural shock to them,
as well as
Linking Words
 practical issues. I strongly agree with the statement as it can contribute to
deterioration
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the deterioration
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 of mental health
as well as
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leading
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lead
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 to miscommunication among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
native speakers and
the
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apply
show examples
foreigners. To commence with, there are some individuals pondering that if they migrate to their desired country, happiness and a prosperous living condition
awates
Correct your spelling
awaits
 them.
While
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 the statement may be true in some
circumestaces
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circumstances
, without considering all aspects of migration
such
Linking Words
 as
national
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the national
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language
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 of the foreign country,
cultural
Correct word choice
and cultural
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 and
economical
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economic
show examples
 issues, individuals may lead to problems with irrecoverable repercussions.
For example
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, a friend of
minemigrated
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mine emigrated
 to Spain
illegaly
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illegally
 two years ago without having any specific and reasonable planning or
guidances
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guidance
show examples
. After living
three
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for three
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month
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months
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 in Spain without any intention to learn Spanish and seizing job opportunities, she was theft
by
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apply
show examples
sudden
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suddenly
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 and lost
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last
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the last
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 onces of
ther
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their
 money and budget. She was
confused
Rephrase
so confused
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 that she
refered
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referred
 to the police, she was not able to
comunicate
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communicate
 properly with the officers and she
wineded
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woke
 up destitute.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, miscommunicating is a common problem among native speakers and foreigners in every
rigeons
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region
regions
.
Linking Words
While working
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Working
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 in a shop or purchasing an item in a supermarket can become a struggle and nightmare as it can take a whole day to sort things out if the person does not know how to read or talk to people in a different
language
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.
For instance
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, working in a corporate office and an individual is not able to contribute to the firm during the meetings can even lead to firing that person and it will surely act as an obstacle for their career.
Therefore
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, troubling to understand a foreign
language
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 will have genuine
hindrencess
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hindrances
hindrance
 in people's daily life. In
concliusion
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conclusion
,
with
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apply
show examples
considering the mentioned reasons above, my firm conviction is that settling in
foreign
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a foreign
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 country and being unaware
to comprehend
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of comprehending
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 the
language
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 of the native speakers can lead to
confusions
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confusion
show examples
 and
neumerous
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numerous
 amount of problems.
Submitted by sarina.chenare78 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay occasionally strays from a logical structure, which can confuse the reader. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are presented in a logical order with clear connections between them.
coherence cohesion
There are repetitive statements and lack of clear topic sentences that make the main ideas ambiguous. Introduce clear topic sentences to begin each paragraph and summarize the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively paraphrased from the question to clearly establish your position and summarize your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to help the examiner see the connections between your ideas. For example, words like 'additionally', 'conversely', 'for instance' enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The task is somewhat complete but lacks depth in the response. Expand on the main points with more detail and development to fully address all parts of the task.
task achievement
Ideas could be clarified and expanded upon for better comprehension. Work on expressing your ideas more precisely and with greater clarity to enhance the essay's effectiveness.
task achievement
Some examples are relevant but need to be further elaborated and clearly linked to the thesis statement. Examples should be specific and clearly illustrate your point to strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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