IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside us decreasing.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside
It has been widely claimed that the reason causing residents in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 in the number of states be
falling
Wrong verb form
fall
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 is people living outside the
city
 centre
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
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 to move to
live in
Verb problem
apply
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the
city
.
While
 it argued
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that the situation could be considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 positive development.
This
 essay discusses
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the perspectives
why
Change preposition
on why
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 I consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the
declining
Replace the word
decline
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of people in rural
areas
 to be
negative
Add an article
the negative
a negative
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 circumstance. To
being
Verb problem
begin
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 with, it might seem reasonable to believe that the falling proportion of population in one particular area causes the negative outcomes in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of economy.
This
 is
properly
Change the word
proper
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 because the working labour in the
areas
 tends to reduce.
For example
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
hotel
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the hotel
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 business, there will be affected
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 people
to work
Change the verb form
working
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For
this
 reason, it could cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 labour shortage in the
city
 and impact negatively the economy
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
city
.
Moreover
, it could cause a significant point that the relationship time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 in
family
Add an article
the family
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 will be more considerably distant among members of the family. To clarify the argument, it could be seen that there will be less time to spend
activities
Change preposition
on activities
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 together because the members are living in different
areas
.
For instance
, grandchildren will live in another
city
 from their grandparent who lives in rural
areas
.
As a consequence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication between them will
happen
Verb problem
be
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difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
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 because they do not have
story
Correct article usage
a story
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 or
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 to share
the
Change the word
their
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opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 it is undeniable that the development is able to have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive effect, I am the option to
believing
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that the improvement could lead to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the country in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 market in rural
areas
 and the relationship in
Add an article
the family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a clearer introduction and a more distinct conclusion. The essay lacks a focused thesis statement and the conclusion does not summarize the main points strongly enough. Make sure you restate your position in the conclusion and how it is supported by the arguments made.
logical structure
Develop a more coherent structure. The essay tends to jump from idea to idea without clear transitions or logical progression between them. Use topic sentences to clearly state the main point of each paragraph, and follow them with explanatory sentences and then example or evidence.
supported main points
Support your main points with more relevant and specific examples. The examples provided in the essay are too general and vague. Specific, detailed examples are needed to effectively illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
complete response
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should cover all aspects of the prompt in a balanced way, with a clear position that is consistently maintained throughout the essay. Expand on your ideas to fully develop your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on presenting clear and comprehensive ideas. The essay's ideas are not fully fleshed out and do not provide a clear understanding of your argument. Take time to explain your thoughts more thoroughly to ensure the reader can follow your reasoning.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. The essay lacks concrete examples which are needed to substantiate your claims and make your argument more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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