IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, believe that everyone should have the freedom to choose whatever sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activities
Sports
 are an imperative activity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lives.
when
Capitalize word
When
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 it comes
some
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to some
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 claim that there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 some dangerous
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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 be banned by the authority,
while
 others opine that games should be chosen
with
Change preposition
apply
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freedomly
Correct your spelling
freedom
freedoms
 whatever
sports
people
 like. In
this
 essay, both sides of the topic will be discussed followed by my opinion. On the one hand, supporters of some kind of adverse
sports
 can cause
casualty
Add an article
a casualty
show examples
, depth
wound
Fix the agreement mistake
wounds
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,
sometimes
Correct word choice
and sometimes
show examples
 dead
also
 happens
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dangerous games like
wresting
Correct your spelling
wrestling
show examples
.
This
 is because
of
Correct word choice
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 should
be banned
Wrong verb form
ban
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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dangerous
sports
 in order to
people
 cannot get serious wounds and
casualty
Fix the agreement mistake
casualties
show examples
 and they
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lead a good life.
For example
,
Add an article
the wresting
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wresting
Correct your spelling
wrestling
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 can cause dead and
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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body parts broken, even though, still mankind
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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this
game
 without knowing the repercussions,
therefore
, the government should take
a
Remove the article
apply
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action to
banned
Change the form of the verb
ban
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this
 type of dangerous
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 for the public
sakes
Fix the agreement mistake
sake
show examples
.
On the other hand
, opponents of everyone should have a right to choose their favourite
game
 whether dangerous or safe it fully depends on their choice and preference.
This
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government does not interfere in
this
 matter, it is fully their freedom whatever
sports
 activity
people
 like and they do.
For instance
, when a person plays any
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 with full interestingly he will become a master
on
Change preposition
in
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 a particular
game
while
 his entire lifestyle might be changed drastically as compared to the past.
Sports
 activities can do for their own
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
interests
 and freedom which the public can perform effectively without any restrictions. These are the main reasons
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
I agree that everyone should have the freedom to select any
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities whatever they like whether hard or simple.
To conclude
,
although
 the dangerous
game
 can bring
casualty
Fix the agreement mistake
casualties
show examples
, depth
wound
Fix the agreement mistake
wounds
show examples
,
any
Correct word choice
and any
show examples
 parts of the body broken and dead, so, the government should be banned,
sports
 should be chosen
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
freedomly
Correct your spelling
freedom
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals can perform effectively without any restrictions. In my opinion, the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 side of
people
should should be chosen
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 any
game
 activities with
freedomly
Correct your spelling
freedom
freedoms
 poses always outweigh the limitations.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly addresses the essay prompt and includes a thesis statement outlining the main points of discussion. Refrain from diving directly into arguments without setting the context first.
structure
Structurally, paragraphs should be clear, with each one focusing on a single main idea. Transition between paragraphs and sentences should be smooth to enhance flow and understanding.
support
Back up main points with relevant, detailed examples. Avoid overgeneralization or overly simplistic arguments that do not engage with the complexity of the topic.
consistency
Maintain consistency in tense and perspective throughout the essay. It is important to proofread your writing to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity.
conclusion
Use a conclusion to summarize the essay's main points and restate your opinion. The conclusion should feel like a closure to the argument, not introducing any new ideas.
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